WILSHIRE; B.E

eight

billie

"wake up my love." Y/N nudged me softly as they kissed my forehead. I reached my hand up to my face to rub my eyes. We were staying at a hotel in Georgia because Y/N was so persistent on me meeting their family. I couldn't say no. They were so excited. 

I sometimes wonder what Ryder is doing though. I wonder if he's okay or how he feels that i'm out of state. Maybe I should call-

"So, Baby do you wanna catch breakfast before heading downtown to my mom's because she said she's still cleaning up around the house." Y/N said looking up from their phone, their toothbrush hanging from their lips. 

They looked so cute, I could cry.

"Whatever works for you baby." I get up and pick out my outfit for today. I wanted it to be basic but not too basic. I don't know why i'm trying so hard when we're not even together. 

Y/N walks out of the bathroom as I walk in. They put on their favorite pair of converse. They draw little sketches on the margins of the sneaker. On the side, it has my initial. They wanted to put it there but didn't want to make it too obvious so they just put it as 'B'. 

I stood in the middle of the bathroom, checking my outfit out as I felt arms sneak around my waist. Y/N just stared at me through the mirror and kissed my forehead. Y/N then grabbed my jaw to pull my lips up to theirs. oh my god. 

They gave me about 4 kisses on my lips and 4 on my jaw. 

"Please, don't treat me badly." I whispered against their lips and Y/N just let out a slight sigh. 

"I wouldn't dream of it baby." Y/N hugged me tighter and rested their head in the crook of my neck. I was so content. I just sat there with my eyes closed until their alarm to leave the apartment went off. 

"We should probably get started on breakfast." Y/N said as they pulled away. 

I got all of my things and me and Y/N walked to the car together. Y/N opened my door for me and made sure I was fully in the car before shutting the door. 

Once they got in on the driver's side, they turned on the car and began driving to the nearest diner. They held my hand the whole way there, sometimes putting my knuckles up to their lips to land a small kiss on them. Their eyes were still glued to the road. 

A part of me thinks that being with Y/N would be better than being with Ryder. I can't bring myself to leave. I can't tell you how i feel. I know it's wrong and I feel so guilty. I love Y/N but I love Ryder. I can't think about this anymore. 

I never lied to Ryder about how I felt about Y/N when he asked. We got into an argument about it. He said I loved her more than him. I couldn't even tell him that he was wrong. Genuinely because he wasn't. But he was a grown man in need of reassurance and that's what I provided. 

I think that all the people listening to my side of the story think i'm stupid. I mean a person who treats me better than Ryder. That loves me unconditionally. That gives me everything I want. They promised with the world and never failed to provide it. Or what felt like it. With Y/N, the energy was never empty. I was never sad. They cared about me. My interests, my problems, My thoughts. They were always on my mind. Even when I was with Ryder. I just can't. I always get uncomfortable when kissing or being intimate with Ryder. I try so hard to be a good girlfriend. But who do I belong to? 

I think it would be a good time to tell the listeners how me and Ryder met. For some context. 

--------- (Flash back) --------

Two years ago, I was sitting at an outside restaurant. My friend Drew and I were eating pancakes. It was about 11:45 am and since it was summer, it was getting hot fast. We opened the umbrella that was connected to the table to block ourselves from the sun. We were talking about the album I was working on at the moment. A tall man about 6'2 came up to the table. He had big lips, brown eyes and a small stubble on his top lip. His locs were tied into a ponytail on top of his head. His brown skin shimmered in the sunlight. 

"Can we help you?" I said, putting down my cup of orange juice. 

"Yeah, I was wondering if I could get your number." He bit his lip in anticipation as he waited for my answer. 

At that moment, I looked at Drew and she looked at me. I shrugged and pulled out my phone and gave it to him. I know it's stupid because i'm famous but he had some charm about him. 

"What's your name?" 

"Ryder." 

I thought his name was kind of strange but who am I to question it. I introduced myself but he already knew who I was. He said that makes music too. The more he talked, the more I wanted to get to know him. Drew was kind of third-wheeling at this point. I don't know but talking to him was so addicting.

A couple months after talking back and forth, he asked me to be his girlfriend and of course, i said yes. Over time, he got bored. He was still sweet though but oftentimes he didn't want to talk, didn't even give me the time of day. He was never hostile though. 

I thought we were meant to be. Even then. I remember having to be dragged out of my bed in order to go to that house party. I was so mad I had to go. I'm so glad I did though. I saw the prettiest person alive. They seemed so interesting, I couldn't deny that. I'm so glad I had the courage to talk to them that night. I thought they wanted nothing to do with me. They constantly proved me wrong with their actions. They're a sweetheart. 

I'm so in love with y/n. 

---- -----

We pulled up to the diner and once again Y/N helped me out of the car. Making sure I didn't forget anything. We walked in and were guided by the waiters to our table. The whole car ride Y/N was silent as they were now.

We just sat in silence as we looked over our menus. 

*silence*

*silence* 

I spoke up. 

"I think you look good today babe."

All I got was a small side smile and a small 'thank you'

I put my menu down and grabbed their hand from across the table. They just tightened their grip around my hand and smiled. 

"Baby, are you okay?" I asked, concern laced in my voice. Something told me they kind of knew what I was thinking about. That I was thinking about him.

"I'm cool baby. No need to worry," Y/N said with another side smile. 

"Just a little nervous about you meeting my mom. I don't know why. I think she's going to like you." They just shook it off and looked back at their menu. 

We ordered and at least made conversation while eating our food. 

Y/N

I know Billie says "she can't fully be into me because she's with him." but how come whenever me and her link, it's like he doesn't exist?  

When me and Billie finished our food, we headed to my mom's house. We were talking during this car ride. Hand in hand. Goofy smiles plastered across our faces. I make Billie blush all the time, even though she likes to hide it. I place a soft kiss on her lips then focus on the road. 

Man i love this girl.

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this is going to be two parts. I wanted to make it longer but i couldn't keep yall waiting. -L