I never felt like my life's story is important to anyone but me until now. I'm opening up the portal into what happened to a girl born in Cali who survived all odds to become who I am today. Trigger warning for trauma survivors.
How do you grieve a person you never knew? My mother transitioned from this life to whatever comes next when I was a few months old. My daddy told me with tears in his eyes that I was the prettiest baby in the nursery. It's true. I'm very cute. It's too bad my cuteness couldn't save me from what would come next.
Daddy said that my mother lost her breast to cancer before she found out about being pregnant with me. The doctors said that she should abort to undergo treatment. She chose me instead. My brother, 15 years my senior, had the chance to know her. Her leaving us put us both on different paths.
Daddy also said that the day I was born, the doctors found me cradled in her womb surrounded by cancerous tumors. It's inside that death that I grew. At White Memorial Hospital, there in the nursery, I showed signs of thriving despite the sadness around my birth. The cancer grew worse because of me. She died for her choice to have me and I dealt with this survivor's guilt for a long time.
My mother's many sister's wanted to take me. Again, the cute factor comes in. Who wouldn't want a cherub faced child with a single cupie doll curl at the top of her head? My daddy had to fight to make sure that I remained with him. We left Cali headed for Colorado where my dad's parent's lived. My grandmother's loving care along with my papa's new love for his only granddaughter seemed like the right choice for a first time dad with too much to handle.
The story goes that mom held me as much as she could knowing the end was near. Everyone stayed vigilant at her bedside to give her as much time with me as possible. Her body was worn down. I'm sure her soul never wanted to leave but a few months after my birth, she was gone.
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They named me Starla Lorraine Carr. Starla, because my older brother had a crush on a girl at his school with the same name. Lorraine, because it's the first name of my mother and my father's mother. Carr, as the last of my lineage as I know. My grandfather was estranged from his family and I am their only grandchild with no biological children.
So, here I am. I'm Starla. I'm a delightful mess which I own 100%. This is my story.
