Unexpected (Ace Frehley)

gone

I came home from a long shift and emidiatly dove into bed.

I wake up to find Ace gone and his bed made. Ace never does that. His les paul also missing. He probaply just went to practice with the others.

I take a shower and make myself some breakfeast. Everything seems to have gone slow. I don't know why, two weeks have passed and that feels like two months and i still haven't told Ace that i'm pregnant. It's still not really visible so i'm clear for it.

I come home to still find no trail of Ace. No dirty dishes, no food missing from the fridge and like nothing has been touched. It's now 8pm and he's been gone all day. Not gonna lie i'm kind of worried.

Next morning Ace still hasn't seem to come home. That's when i start to get nervous. What if something happened to him. I decide to call Steven. To no suprise he doesn't pick up. Typical him. I decide to let it slide. Maybe he has been staying over at Peter or something.

Another morning comes and there's still no sign of him. I dial Steven's number again. "Hello?" "Hey, Steven, it's Savanna. I wonder if you know where Ace is, he's been gone for two days now". A small silence passes. "Uuhm no, i haven't seen him since last week. Did something bad happen between you two?" I stop to think. "No, not that i know". "I wouldn't know, i'm sorry". "Oh, thanks anyway". "I'll make sure i'll let you know if i hear something". "Thanks". Steven doesn't know where he is and i don't have any other peoples phone numbers. The only thing i can do is wait. Maybe he needs a little time to himself.

Two other nights pass and i know that he left. He left without saying a fucking word. I sit on the floor against the bedframe crying. Why would he? Shit, i haven't even told him. "Fuck you Ace". Fuck you for making me feel this way and then walk out of my life like i am some hooker you picked up from the street and when you were done you dumbed me right back on the cold concrete ground. Is it my fault for leaving with christmas, but i told him so he knew. Maybe he'll come back. Yeah, he probaply can't leave that long.

Another 2 weeks pass and there's still no sign of him. He did leave. He fucking left. It feels like there's no heart where it's supposed to be. Like everything falls out of place. "Goddamit". I know cursing is not going to make a thing better but what will. How does he think he has the right to walk away. The right to walk out of multiple people their lives. Poor Steven who he was friends with for more than three years. I look at the acoustic guitar he used to play at night, feeling tears well up in my eyes again. I just want awnsers. I just want to talk to him. He can practically be in the appartment next door or the other side of the world. One last time talk to him. Just please. Why would he just go. What's ths reason. Didn't even left a fucking note. Didn't even call.

Savanna? What are you doing here?"
"I want to tell you something, i have wanted to tell you for a long time. I don't know how to but it won't affect us anymore".- i wake up. What the hell was that about.

I had finished my shift of work and i am not tired at all. All of my energy is stacked in the back of my mind but it just can't come out normally.
I walk alone in the cold night. I know i'm unhappy. I know i am. Is there something wrong with me. Have i done something wrong to Ace. How stupid for me to even think he may like me. It aren't just the things that have been going on with Ace. I just can't seem to be happy or find joy in anything anymore. I can laugh but it's always this voice in the back of my head saying: what am i doing this for? Why am i here? I travel further thro the city. I can be bitter. I can be selfish. I can be jealous. I can be mean. I can be wrong. But i trie, i trie so hard to be the best person i can be. I never claimed to be holy and i never claimed to be a good person. I've done wrong things really messed up shit. I sigh, giving up walking and sitting down in a little alley, silently crying to myself. My head to the wall as i feel warm tears softly go down my cheecks to my throat. This can't be changed. It's for the better.
I wipe my tears away, making my way down the block. Entering a liquor store. I buy vodka even tho i don't even like it. Two bottles in my hands taking sips while walking down the street.
All the memories i have with Ace. How he played his guitar when we drank chocolate milk. How we watched the movie while joking about stupid things and people telling us to shut up. How we sat thro the akward silences listening to music. How he had that stupid jokes we could laugh so hard about and no one would understand. Just us, just the two of us and no one else. Why did that had to be thrown away.
I take another sip hoping to drown the pain. Seeing how things become blurry and nothing to think about.

I enter my appartment. Taking another sip of alcohol.  I can't do this anymore. I grab a kitchen knife. Debating wether i should really do this or not, i think about my family, my friends. They are worth it right. I put the knife against my stomach, feeling the sharp beginning of the knife. Give it some time. Give it some time. Give. It. Some. Time. Just a little time. Just do it. Voices of what sound like a hundred people interupting my mind. Just do it, your not worth anything. Don't, give it some time, even just a little time. Oh shut up with that goodwill. I push the knife tighter against my body. Why are you doing this? Is this really what you want? Like this? I pull the knife away from my stomach. Not now, it's not the time. Not yet? No, not at all. Please.