Mistakes ~TodoBaku~

Chapter 10: symphony of my downfall

CW // somewhat of a mental breakdown, alluded sexual harassment, casual use of f-slur

Shoto Todoroki

It was an understatement to say that I felt uncomfortable in Yoichi's bed as his arms enveloped me, his bare chest against my bare back, and his bare cock pressed against my bare ass. He's asleep, but still clearly seeking to pleasure himself, his hips making slow, rhythmic movements as he breathes steadily.

I, however, am wide awake, staring at the door, willing something to come and take me back to the comfort of my own bed, the comfort that I thought I'd get from Yoichi. It's not that I suddenly found him repulsive, or that I'd completely lost interest in him, but I just felt...odd. And nearly moaning the name of Katsuki of all people...yeah, something's not right.

Katsuki...of all the times to think of the blond man with whom I'd struck up something of an understanding, I hadn't expected it to be while orgasming, let alone because of another's touch. I felt bad for Yoichi even though he clearly hadn't registered it, but also felt...strangely guilty about...having guilt. I feel like I'm cheating on someone I'm not even with, like I'm being unfaithful to a...well, I suppose Katsuki is my friend.

I don't understand it, and it doesn't let me sleep. I make my way to my shift alone, having excused myself from a groggy Yoichi who was definitely going to show up late to the infirmary. He'd tried to pull me back down to him, but I'd managed to pry away after making out with him a little, two firm hands on his chest pushing him down.

His smile almost made me sick with guilt for how unsure I felt about all of this, about him. It wasn't him that was putting me off though, which only confused me further. He felt like the sort of guy I wanted to run away somewhere with, but that I'd have to meet secretly without my real partner finding out...if that makes sense? I wanted to date him for real, but I felt as though I had a mental block stopping me from doing so.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard the sound of an email coming through, and I glanced over at it, the glare of the computer screen reminding me that I hadn't slept. And for once, I was quite unhappy seeing the name that was at the top of the email.

Katsuki Bakugo

The last person I want to see right now.

I did however confirm that he could come. It would look strange to him if I refused, plus I knew how much he appreciated the solitude that I was able to give him.

"Jesus fuck you look like shit"

Yup...just what I need to hear right now

"So, your date good or what? He fuck you?"

"..."

"It's a yes or no question, Halfie. I'm damn sure you didn't fuck him, so...did he fuck you or not"

"...you seem awfully interested, you getting that desperate for something to fantasise over?"

Now, as you might be able to tell by what I just said, my current thought process is "fuck it, what's the worst that could happen?"

"Fuck off. And for the record, I've wanked over worse"

"So you are desperate! You want the full details or what?"

"Just...answer, ya fuckin' idiot."

"...yes, Katsuki, he fucked me. He fucked me soooooo good, I can't help thinking about it~"

I playfully squirmed in my seat and fluttered my eyes at the smirking blond, who had rather interestingly crossed his legs while I was talking. I continued, my shame about the evening seeming to seep away like my thoughts of Yoichi.

"And then his cock, my God Katsuki, it's so big. It was sooooo big and hard in my ass this morning, felt like heaven~"

"Ok, enough faggy shit, m'gonna vomit if you carry on"

"Don't pretend you don't like it. Like you said...there's worse out there~"

I winked at him as I said it, which drew out a scoff and a long sigh, then a small smirk grew on his face, his eyes settling on mine.

"You got a thing for big cocks then, Halfie?"

"They're preferred. Ask pretty much any gay guy and you'll hear the same"

"I ain't askin' any gay guy, m'askin you"

"...well, yeah, I guess I do...gotta know how to use it though"

"Course, course...so, did whatchamacallit satisfy this kink of yours?"

"Um...yeah? And it's not a kink, it's a preference"

"It's a kink, trust me. And you hesitated. I don't believe you"

"I'm not liable to discuss my...his dick size with you"

"Oh, so you're not datin'? You were 'bout to call him your boyfriend there, right?"

"Katsuki, I'm the psychologist here, please" I teased, but he didn't laugh, his eyes still locked on mine. He uncrossed his legs, but I kept my eyes trained on his, as least until he gestured with those eyes for me to look down at him.

His prison jumpsuit was...well, bulging is probably the right word, but protruding seemed more appropriate. I cleared my throat, looking back at his eyes, which were still trained on me. There was a newfound curiosity in them, one that seemed so out of place for someone as direct as him.

"So...whaddya think~?"

"What do I...think?"

"You know what I mean, Halfie. To be fair, you're doin' pretty well to stay respectful, but go ahead, I know you wanna look again"

"Katsuki, this is hardly appro-"

"Don't care. Who's gonna tell, there ain't a camera in here? And I sure don't think you'll wanna tell you're boss about this, am I right?"

"Katsuki, I'm not-"

"Don't lie. You are. I can tell. You're not the first fag who's fallen for me, probably won't be the last. God, I can't get a chick within five miles of me, but I've got fags lickin' my boots"

"Enough, Katsuki! You should-"

"What? Go? But I'm dealing with a really personal problem right now, doc. It would be rude of you not to help me out in every way possible~"

I can't do this. I can't even look at him right now. I feel overwhelmed by him, even with the large glass pane between us. His smirk strikes fear into me, and I can't stay here with him. If he doesn't go, I'll have to.

I stand, not taking him on as he laughs at me and makes gestures at his crotch, only turning to him when I'd gathered my thoughts. I pressed the button that alerted the guard outside and he came in, roughly cuffing a now silent, solemn Katsuki. Once he's out of my sight, I send Yoichi a single text and curl up in the corner of the room, desperately trying not to cry my eyes out. I wasn't sure why I cared so much, how I could have ended up so confused.

A part of me just wanted to scream, though I didn't really know what I was angry about. Maybe it was fear, but I also don't know what I could be scared of. A little spooked by Katsuki's behaviour today, sure, but that wasn't enough to send me into this sort of state on its own. I'd ruined the date by confusing my feelings of friendship with Katsuki, and he'd fucked it up even more by advancing on me. I feel as though every possible bad thing that could happen to me was beginning to occur all at once.

Like a cruel symphony of my downfall
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So...did y'all believe me when I said everything was fine or nah? 🤨

Fact of the Day: I rewrote this whole chapter because I changed my mind on the ending of the story; this chapter used to be very different, a lot more mutual in terms of sexual stuff, let's say 👀