Unexpected (Ace Frehley)

lost and lose it

I sit on the counter of the kitchen drinken the water out of my cup. My head hangin low. Will he even trie to get contact. Not with me, i don't care, that's one good lie but for Assey. I just want her to be happy growing up. The phone rings and i get up from the counter, taking it of the horn. "Hello?" "Savanna, Ace is back?" Aw dahm man, Steven. I feel so bad for him that his friend just abandoned him like that. "Well, i don't exacly know". Dissapointment fills his voice "what do you mean?" I feel bad for him, i defenetly do. I sigh "we've had.. wel confersations last night. I haven't asked him where he stays, it was rough". "Oh". "I don't think i can do anything for you, i'm really sorry for you". I hear him sigh on the other side of the phone. "Yeah, thanks anyway. Bye". Before i could say it back, he had already hung op.

I walk to work with Alexa. "Steven called me". I said breaking the silence. "What, why?" "I feel bad for him. He called about Ace". "I told him you saw him". "I figured. He sounded so happy when asked. I just dissapointed him". "Yeah, he was absolutely misserable when Ace left". It's understandable. Alexa cares alot about Steven. I just know it, you can just see it on her face when she talks about him. I put a hand on her back. "Yeah". I say really softly.

"So, how's the pregnancy going?" Jonathan asks. "It's been going good. Last night was rough tho. I came across the father and finally had to tell him. It didn't go so well. "Oh sorry". "How's your life been going?" "It's been pretty good. I've got alot of things done recently". "Good to hear. May i ask you a question?" "Always". He says with a smile. "I've always wanted to know why do you want to talk to me. Am i the only one? Or do you also go to different bars. I'm just dying to know". I trie not to sound rude, cause he feels like a friend. His eyes look down. "I don't have anyone, my only daughter passed away in a carcrash along with my wife". "Oh, i'm sorry for asking". Your so stupid Savanna. "It's okay, i have a couple of other bars where i go. I just like to talk to people with kindness like you have, you are my only really regular person i talk to, the rest are one night confersations.". I smile at the compliment. "Thank you. I like to talk to you too". 

I get a ride home from Alexa. I don't know why but my head feels so lightweight for the last couple of hours. I sip small sips from a glass of water. It feels weird while it goes down my throat. My legs seem to go numb while a sharp pain stabs in my stomach. I trie holding onto the kitchen counter as i look down to see blood stain my clothes. Shit, this isn't good. My legs give up not feeling anything anymore. No no no, absolutely terrified i drag myself over the ground feeling my arms become numb too. I reach for the phone. My hands trembling while i tick in the 9 followed by the one. Heavely breathing. Please don't give up on me. "911 what's your emergency?" My arms giving up. My body lays numb on the floor. All i can feel is the extremely sharp pain in my stomach. "Please". I struggle. "Send help". I trie to explain my adress. "I can't feel my body, i'm so scared please help". My eyes shut. The only thing left is the pain.

"I'm so sorry".
"I love you Savanna".
"I love you to".
"Goodbye, i guess".
"Goodbye".

My eyes open and i'm met with a room i don't remember falling asleep in. It's white with a light color of bleu. What the fuck happened. I can't remember anything, what am i doing here. I panick and look down to see myself attached to machines. What? A man with a white cape comes thro the door. "Hello miss, Do you by any change remember what happened?" I trie desprately to remember, but nothing seems to come to mind. "No.". I look out the window to see dark coming thro. "How long have i been here". He sighs. "Almost five days now". What the hell. "Why?" "Well you had called an ambulance". Faint memories come back to mind as i remember the blood and check if my muscles still work. "What's wrong with me?" He looks deep in thought. "You had a miscarrige". No, this can't be happening. "No that's not treu". Please let this be a lie. "I'm sorry". My eyes fill with tears. "Why?" "We aren't sure of the cause, have you been abusing chemicals?" I dig deep in my mind. Coming to the memorie of the vodka incident. "Once i had vodka but that was more than 2 months ago". Fuck, fuck, fuck. I didn't want a child in the first place, how can i be sad. "Than i think it's natural. You're body already knew that there was something wrong with it, so it got rid of it". Got rid of it? Why? Tears fall down on my face. "I want to go home please".
He takes the tubes off. "Thank you".

I walk down the streets. I fumble my hands around my stomach, trying to feel the bump that was supposed to be there but isn't. How fucking selfish of me. I didn't even want a child. Now i want it to be turned back around. For fuck sake it's never good enough is it? How could this happen. What did i do wrong. There couldn't just be something wrong with it right. Tears drip down my cheecks as i go into a liquor store. Repeating the same shit that happened then. I pick up two bottles of vodka. Walking down the street, trying to drain all my problems. I know i fall back in the same fucking habit.

I open the door to my appartment seeing the dryed up blood on the floor. I take another three sips of vodka. Feeling it sting in my throat, i trie to clean the stain. Five fucking days. I feel salty tears come onto my lips. Fureasly trying to clean the blood from the ground i come to the conclusion this won't come off and the floor is stained. God dammit.
I take the bottle of vodka to the bedroom taking sips of it as i lay in bed wishing i'd fall asleep. It's just. Things never go as you want them to be. It's unnatural. I take a glance at his acoustic guitar still standing in to corner of the room. God i miss him. More than i want to. I empty out the bottle of vodka. It helps me see things clear. I become honest with myself. Fuck this. I drag open the door to the kitchen picking up the knife. Pushing it once again to my stomach. I can keep lying to myself or just actually do it. Do something for once in my life. I push harder feeling the sharp end almost gliding thro my skin when i notice a small package on the table. I put the knife down walking over to the package witch holds a note.

"I wanted to talk to you about the pregnancy but you didn't awnser the phone. Please call me back"

Ace

His phone number on the other side of the note. He want's to talk about me being pregnant, well now there's nothing left to tall about. I open the small package to find a little teddybear inside. I sit on the chair as i hold the little bear in my hands. She's fucking gone. As i burst in to tears again i look at the number on the back of the note. Just call him. He wants to talk about me being pregnant. I am not pregnant anymore. He doesn't want to talk to me. He want's to talk about the pregnancy, not me. But he deserves to know right. Just call him. He doesn't want to talk to you. "Oh fuck you". This is stupid i'm talking to myself in the middle of the fucking night. Maybe i'll call him tomorrow.