What falling in love feels like

Millions of blankets

I love you.

I believe that my soul has traveled through millions of realities to finally find one where we have a bit more time together than in the others.

I remember hating you on the first day I walked into class. You were sitting next to a handsome tall guy, black hair, green eyes, and a white shirt. I'm not sure how I even remember what he looked like that day, because all I was thinking of, and looking at, was you. You and your pretty smile, giggling at some dumb shit he probably said to you. Your blue hair that had washed off into a green and blue mash, and how the layers of your mid length hair fell on to your face perfectly. And, your pale face, making your strawberry shade lips more noticeable. Of course your sense of style was a bonus, you were wearing a fluffy light brown knitted sweater.

It was my hatred towards you that helped me remember every single detail about you that day. I would never get to laugh at his jokes the way you did. I wanted to laugh at his jokes the way you did.

I sat behind you that day, and stared a hole into your scalp. I remember thinking to myself, "How could her hair be so soft looking, if it's clearly fried?"

Did you feel my eyes burning into your head?
Did you see me walk in?

Later that day, he introduced me to you. I was sitting in a room full of windows, the sun shining through, people chattering and laughing. You had the sweetest eyes I've ever met with, you smiled and reached out for my hand. I smiled as I lightly tightened your hand, He told us it would be great if we got along, we could all hang out and eat lunch together like we did that day.

I knew you didn't like me either, we would pass empty halls as if we were strangers to one another. We'd bump into each other while washing our hands in the girls bathroom, without a single word being spoken. You only pretended to like me, because you liked him. And that made me despite you even more.

"I swear everyone was talking about it! That's why you should have showed up!" My friend, Lily, told me about yours and Freddy's first kiss. My heart felt as if I was running a marathon and I was ahead of everyone,  but with asthma. Later that day I confronted him about it. He said, "It was nothing serious" but I didn't believe him because from then on, whenever I saw you guys together there was always a big smile glued onto your face.

The first time we actually talked, it was in English class, Ms.lee thought it would be a great idea if both of her A+ students paired up together for the final project. I fidgeted the whole time she was giving out instructions, I tried to mentally prepare myself for when we had to sit together. I looked over to you a few times, and you looked so calm. You were wearing a dirty gray stripped shirt with black, you looked so pretty that day, I wish I had told you so. Even then, even though I hated you, you still made me feel nervous.

You walked over to the desk next to mine, your perfume entered into the air I inhaled, it smelt like cotton candy. "Hi." You said as you sat down, slightly smiling at me. "Hey." I replied, my leg was bouncing like crazy under my desk. "I know you hate me and all-" "I don't." I accidentally interrupted you, I didn't mean to, I just panicked. I gulped my saliva, "You don't? So you're not mad that me and Freddy are dating?" My heart fell behind in the marathon, finally pumping my inhaler. I no longer felt like strangling someone. "No? I didn't even know you guys were dating." I did know, they started dating a few weeks after the kiss, I found out in the school bathroom. "Oh-It's cause-I thought you liked him..." She says, "Oh! No way." I fake chuckled, "He's not my type." I added.

After that, we said hi to each other in the bathroom, always waved in the hallway. You even started to sit next to me in class. Every time I looked over at you, my heart felt warm. Your hair was tucked behind your ear, one strand always left out though, you always rested your head onto your palm, unless you were talking to me, then you'd play with your bracelet.

We were doing great for a few months, until that night...Everyone went to that party. You invited me, while laying on my bed, tucked into millions of blankets, your skin looked so pretty in white. I said yes to you because your stupid eyes would threaten my heart. I regret going, not because when I entered the party, the marathon started again as I watched you and Freddy make-out. The loud music became  faint background noise, and there was a knot being tightened, increasing, in my throat, it choked me up as if I were a cat with a hair-ball. I regret you noticing me standing in the doorway, like an idiot that was left in the rain after giving up their umbrella for a pretty girl who shared it with their lover. Your eyes lit up as if the only thing you were thinking of was me walking through the doorway. Stupid.

That night I buried myself into my millions of blankets you were no longer in, they didn't feel warm and it was cold.