☆First Snow☆ | Joshua

Flashback #2 | Hwang Ha Yoon

I still remember the day he left as today. He just left without saying anything. If he had to leave like that he could've not let me love him. Ah~ yes! He did. He told me not to love him. But I was too silly not to understand that because I fell desperately head over heels. I was crushed. That day ended worst than it started. I cried so much. I wanted to go home but I didn't want to let my mom and grandma see me like that. So I stayed at the park where he left me alone. Since that incident happened, I've become the girl I used to be. The girl who never trusts anyone. I never opened myself to anyone. I closed all gates that he opened.

Months passed by but he never came. I let him go. I tried to forget him but the memories never let me forget him. I still remember every single word he said. When Kristen and her friends bullied me every time I expected him to come and save me. But he wasn't there anymore. I know he loved me. He told me that. I also loved him but couldn't tell him. Maybe love means not to hold but let it go.

One day my mom saw that those kids were bullying me and then after I graduated we moved to another city so that no one can treat me like that. I know she was happy when I was with him because he turned me into a nice girl. But after he left I changed again and mom worried about that but never asked anything. Even granny. It's a lie if I say that he didn't break my heart. But I never hate him. I loved him as much as I never can hate him. I still love him. But who knows whether he played with me or not? May be left me because it's a shame to date a blind girl. But that day his voice was so honest. By the way, I'm still waiting for him.

6 years later mom told me that there was an eye donator. That was the happiest day I ever had after he left. But the donator was here in South Korea. I had to come here. I knew that my father was a Korean man but never talk about him with my mom because I know its a pain for her. Just like me when he left me. I only know his nationality, not even his name. I heard it by mistake when someone asked my mom. First, she didn't want to come to Korea but she hadn't any choice because at that time I had suffered 22 years without my eyes. At first, I thought I was born blind since every time I asked my mom about my eyes, she kept silent. When his mom asked about my eyes at Christmas dinner at our house was the first day I knew that I wasn't born blind. I was surprised but never showed that. I didn't even ask that.

Finally, we decided to come to Korea and do the surgery. After the surgery was done, it was really hard to get used to the eyes but I tried my best. I was in Busan cause that donator was living in Busan. Then I could see everything. Everything I felt at the tip of my fingers, I could see. When I first saw my new eyes I was surprised since those eyes were as same as mine that I was told. Those hazel-coloured eyes. I remembered him again. He used to call me Hazel since my eyes were hazel-coloured. I wanted to tell him, I wanted to show him my new eyes but he was nowhere to be found.

That was the first day that I knew I had a Korean name too. 'Hwang Ha Yoon' was my name which means the sunshine. As I lived there in Busan I met a nice girl named 'Kwon Areum' who became my one and only friend. My best friend. A few months later we had to go back since our visa was cancelled. But I decided to start my new life here in South Korea. The happiness was mom and granny let me do anything. They went back to the USA and I renewed my visa to stay here. We moved to Seoul. I found a job as a barista since I wanted to work at a cafe and Areum joined a beauty academy. Sometimes they call me to do photoshoots for the academy. However, that was nice.

Everything became messy since the day I met Moonbin and Seungkwan at the cafe. I've seen Moonbin since it was his family cafe I'm working. Sometimes Seungkwan was also there but I never had a chance to talk. But I talked to him and I heard their conversation too. I was shocked to hear that they were talking about someone named 'Hazel'. I tried not to let my expressions change but my mind was messed up. After Areum asked me to go to the Seventeen fan sign event I was afraid that Seungkwan will recognise me. As I thought he recognised me but he wasn't the problem that I had. It was Joshua. When I sat in front of I felt him. The same feeling that I had years ago. When I gave him a high five, his touches were the same as mine. It was Josh and here he is Joshua. Can it be? I know that everyone was shocked by seeing me but I didn't know the reason. All of them talked with me as they knew me before but it was my first time seeing them.

When I was waiting for Areum, Mingyu call me by my name 'Hazel'. I was too stunned to speak. It couldn't be him. That's not him.

And my life become more horrible when the day I met seventeen at Hybe when I went there with Areum to attend a meeting with Enhypen staff. A girl exactly looks like me called them and everyone was shocked to death. I couldn't believe that I had a twin that never heard of. I saw how much she shocked revealing that she also was unaware of a twin. I didn't know whether I should be happy or sad but I cried. Tears fell and I wanted to escape but the situation didn't let me. It's like god helped me when a manager call us and Areum took me out of the situation and she let me have some space. I'm really lucky to have a friend like her. As I went to the nearest park I called my mom. But she didn't pick up. Even my grandmother. I didn't notice that it was the night at that time because of my impatient. I was calling again and again. But no one answered. I went back to the apartment and I let my tears come out.

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