my salvation (chris evans)

chapter sixteen - the sound of wedding bells

It's the middle of August. Chris and I are heading back to England for a long weekend, so we can attend my brother's wedding, and so I can pack some more of my things. It's Thursday and the wedding is on Saturday. My other brother and his girlfriend also had their baby, a boy, Jack, and we plan to meet him this weekend too. Chris is very eager to meet him, at least. He was born at the end of June, so he's about a month and a half now.

My mum is very happy to see me again, along with the dogs. It feels so good to see them again. You don't realise just how much you miss everyone until you see them again. My mum and I cry; a lot.

On Thursday evening, we go to my brother's to meet the baby. It'll be the first baby we'll interact with since being together, and to say I'm nervous is a slight understatement. I'm shitting myself, honestly. Of course, we've talked about me not being anywhere near close to being ready, but he doesn't know what I'm like around babies. He doesn't know how bad I am. How I'm not like other girls when they see a baby.

"Hey, Meg?" I snap my eyes over to Chris. We're stood outside my brother's house and I haven't plucked up the courage to knock on the door. "You okay?"

"Y-Yeah. Sorry. Ha." I clear my throat and knock on the door nervously. Chris smiles softly and slips his hand in mine, squeezing it reassuringly.

"Don't look so terrified. It's just a baby." He says and I let out a nervous laugh. The door swings open and Ant is on the other side.

"You alright!?" He says, stepping aside to let us in.

"Alriiiight." I say.

"Hey, mate." Chris greets and Ant smiles.

"Come on through. Issy and Jack are just in the living room." We follow my brother into the living room where Issy is holding a small baby. She smiles at us and we say our hellos. "This is Jack."

"Awww, oh my god. He's adorable." Chris says with a wide smile, sitting down next to Issy eagerly. "Hey there, lil guy." He whispers, in his element.

"Do you want to hold him?" She asks and Chris grins.

"Could I?" She nods and gently hands him over to Chris. "Hey there, buddy. Heeyyy." I smile and sit on the chair in the corner, watching him hold the tiny human in his big arms. He looks so happy. He'd be a great dad. He really would. I hope someday I'll be able to give him that... if we work out in the long run. Oh god, I hope we do. "Come look at him, Megs." He beams, carefully standing up and walking over to me. I take a deep breath. "Do you wanna hold him?"

"Um, yeah, s-sure..." He gently sets Jack down in my arms and I'm stiff, nervous, staring down at him, terrified. Chris grins and plants a soft kiss on my temple.

"See. Nothing to be scared of."

"I'm nnnot convinced." I say with a small laugh and he laughs too, shaking his head.

"You're fine. Nothing to worry about." After a few seconds, Jack's face crumples up and he starts crying. I panic and Ant quickly takes him off me. I gulp anxiously.

"Getting restless." Ant says, handing him back to Issy. "You settling in alright in America then?" He asks me and I nod.

"Yeah, it's great. I l-love it." I say with a smile and Chris smiles too, glancing at me. We catch up a little bit more with them and then decide to head back to mum's. I'm fairly quiet on the short walk back and when we get back inside the house. We have some food, before heading up to my room.

"Megs, what's wrong?" Chris suddenly asks me, wrapping his arms around me from behind. Shit.

"Hm? Nothing. I'm good."