Am I the asshole??

12

AITA for calling my friend irresponsible for what she did while babysitting my child?

I (F29) have a 'phobia' of horses. I put phobia in quotation marks because phobias are irrational fears, and I don't think my fear is irrational, but everyone else in my life keeps calling it a phobia.

I do like animals, but horses are just not it for me. I don't like being around them, and I have no interest in petting them or riding them.

When I was around 8 years old, a horse attacked me unprovoked and nearly killed me, and I was hospitalised.

My best friend Eliza (F29) is the opposite to me. When we were in high school, she was your stereotypical 'horse girl'. She owns some horses of her own now and is still obsessed with horses. I don't interact with Eliza's horses and never have. I respect that we can have our own interests, and Eliza and I have different things to talk about.

I have a daughter Tanya (F4), and Eliza occasionally kindly volunteers to babysit for me, Eliza has her own daughter of similar age and they play together nicely.

Last week, I asked Eliza to babysit for me so me and my partner could go to my cousin's child free wedding, and she agreed. I paid Eliza to babysit and gave her some extra money to get herself and the girls takeout.

Well, when after I picked Tanya up and was driving home, Tanya was telling me about how she "sat on a horsey". At first I thought Tanya was talking about a toy rocking horse, but then she told me about how she "fed the horsey some apples".

When I got home, I called Eliza and asked if she had my daughter interact with her horses.

At first Eliza denied everything and said she didn't know what I was talking about, but when I said Tanya told me about it, Eliza admitted she held Tanya whilst she was sat on one of her horses, and let Tanya help feed one of her horses.

Eliza went on and on about how safe it is, and that she was in complete control of the situation. That the horse was standing completely still when she held Tanya on the horse's back.

I told Eliza that what she did was irresponsible and that doing it behind my back was unacceptable. I was so angry and uncomfortable. She said that I'm overreacting because of my phobia and said that Tanya was completely safe, and went on about how well-trained her horses are and how she knows so much about horses.

I said I didn't care and that she should think about what she did.

My family thinks I overreacted and that I should apologise to Eliza. That I'm projecting my phobia onto my daughter.

AITA?
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EDIT
Eliza never wears a helmet when riding her horses so I highly doubt she put one on my daughter, I don't think she even owns any helmets. I would've been okay with Tanya feeding/petting the horses, but Eliza putting her on a horse's back made me very uncomfortable.

Eliza keeps her horses in a field that's around an hour drive from her actual home so I didn't think she'd take my daughter there.