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I'm Coming Home

BAVARIA

MARCH 14TH, 2002

I had woken up with so many thoughts in mind but only one idea that mattered the most. My body was cold from the freezing temperature outside and the fact that Legolas had practically stolen the blanket from me and curled himself up in it. "Scheiß-." I huffed beneath my breath and gazed outside the window. It was still dark, the clock read 5:30 A.M. And the red flip phone kept buzzing with it's alarm.

Today was the day. Gazed at my forearms, covered in tiny, scarred marks from bouts and long periods of depression falling into misery constantly from the last 2 years. Anxiety overpowering but not as much as depression. Now, they'd be covered by art, beautiful tattoos. I slipped off my shorts, stood in front of the mirror for a moment. Could I be any thiner? That thigh gap was horrid, I suddenly wished I was a little bit more fat like when I was little. Not grossly huge, but.. With a little more meat.

The shirt came off next and I couldn't help but gasp and cover my mouth, my expression becoming disgusted at the reflection on the mirror. "Dear.." My hands slid down my ribs and waist. This had to change, how? I had no idea but it had to.

After taking a century and a half of being in the shower, getting dressed, waking up Felix, dragging him into the shower, making some breakfast, waiting for him to get dressed, eating breakfast and making our bags, we decided to take a second before leaving.

"Are you sure about this?" He started asking while I took the car's keys from the kitchen drawer.

"I am." So smart, yet so stupidly stubborn from little Miss Hirsch.

"You don't sound so sure, big sis." Oh won't you shut up Lil' Man Gideon!

"I am, Gideon, I promise."  If lies could have a color this one would be brown as shit.

I drove dad's Jeep to Dieter's house, parking in front of it and looked back where Felix was sitting at. "Did you take your meds?"

"Ja. Of course."

"Did you bring them?" I raised an eyebrow questionly at him.

"I.. Yes I did."

We were interrupted by Dieter climbing in the car greeting us good morning. He carried two big gym bags and small yellow backpack. "The snacks?" Gideon asked quickly, Dieter huffed and grinned.
"I got 'em."

"Let's go for Amy then." I said, going off the second Dieter closed the door. 

The town was fairly small and I would miss it dearly after our depart- what was I saying? We'd be back in two days, everything would be alright in two days. Hopefully. I could only listen to my thoughts and the German gibberish between Felix and Dieter. They were a chipper pair ever since.. That situation.

Always there by my side, either together or by themselves.

"Diesel, you just passed Amy flat out." Dieter snorted at the facial expression of the black haired girl standing with a small gym bag hanging across her. Snapping out of my zone, I went in reverse so that she could finally jump in and join the adventure.

"Well if it isn't Hirsch always leaving her best friend behind? What's the matter? Got a new goof to goof with?" Amy joked, she always did.

"Just.. A little stressed out, got stuff in my head." I turned left and drove on. Up from Amy's house we took ten minutes, listening and singing to Britney Spears and Oasis blaring from the radio, my little brother joining occasionally.

"Take the parking next to the building. It'll be alright there." Felix peeked his head out the window as we parked and then yanked it back inside the vehicle when another one passed right by us. Could've snatched his head. It didn't, unfortunately.

I snickered.

It took a while to get the tickets but we finally had them. The man that was selling the little squared tickets had at least two wool coats on and three scarfs aroud his neck, his long and thin legs made him look quite funny. We guessed he might've had a cold. He was very sweet regardless... I believe his name was Norman. 

Or something like that was written on his name tag. His skin was pale as any other German living in the freezing area and eyes grey as fog. And an unnerving stare on all of us.

The ride was long, the weather was freezing and the carriages almost empty if it wasn't for the few souls that travelled in it. Dieter sat quietly, listening to some released songs and gave pats to his legs to the rhythm of them. Amy leaned on my right shoulder as if trying to conceal some sleep she hadn't got since the night before due to schoolwork, her black hair poking my face or neck annoyingly at times. 

Felix sat at my left, playing with his gameboy and occassionally patting my shoulder as to comfort me and allow me to relax.

Then received a text.

Dad:
My Spärzchen, how are you and Gideon holding up? I miss you both already.

A smile drew up on my lips when I tapped my reply quickly.

Diesel:
I'm alright; the little Bärli is holding up good. I miss you as well, papa.

And I did. And I was scared. And I needed him.
Oh father, what had I gotten myself into?

When the train finally reached our destination, Dieter and Felix woke up Amy and I abruptly to get off the train and rush out the station. After checking everything being alright, set and done, we proceeded to the exit of the Berlin Station.

"Schwester... are you sure about this?" The little blonde boy asked, holding the strap of his bag over his shoulder tightly. I didn't know what force beckoned me to speak from the heart, but it just happened.

"It's all part of the show, Felix. And I am ready for whatever comes. And I'm always ready when you are with me, little blonde Bärli."

Dieter and Amy talked about the most convenient and cheapest places to get a tattoo, regardless of the quality. Felix listened ever so attentively to them, following next to my steps. I, however, couldn't help but get an odd feeling.

Perhaps it was just me.