Moving On and Letting Go

Chapter 9

No.

It's the only thought Dean can form in his mind.

No.

Not him.

Not Henry.

His and Riley's safety meant everything to him. He'd sacrificed the family he'd longed to have for so long to keep them safe.

And for what?

The ringing in his ears is the only thing he can hear.

---

Sam's head swam with confusion. Then anger. He was certain he moved through the five stages of grief in the ten minutes he stared at Riley as she moved along the bookshelves like a mad woman, covered in blood, mascara smeared down her cheeks. Dean was still, jaw tense, knuckles white as he clenched his fists at his side. Sam had seen that look before. The dread, the self-blame. Bobby moved to Riley's side, taking her by the shoulders to hold her steady.

"Riley. You need to tell us what happened." Riley shook her head, eyes wide and crazed with a panic only a mother could feel.

"No, no Bobby. I need to find my son." Bobby's grip tightened then, slightly shaking her to her senses.

"And we can help you. But you need to tell us what happened." She closed her eyes, holding them tightly closed momentarily before taking in a deep breath. She padded shakily over to the worn sofa and sat down, holding her head in her hands. She looked up at him then, eyes full of tears.

It hit him then, the reality of what he'd learned.

He has a son.

His son is missing.

---

"What do you know about Sarah?"

Sam's voice after all this time felt like a kick to the gut. His eyes were warm with sympathy and guilt, hands folded together as he leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. My eyes moved to Dean, leaning against the doorway, eyes hard. He was looking at me, but I feel as though he wasn't seeing me. Not really. He was seeing past me, caught up in his own head.

"Riley." My attention snapped back to Sam. I swallowed thickly, threading a shaky hand through my tangled hair.

"Everything. She's a highschool Junior, 17, 3.9 GPA. Her parents are Natalie and Jeff Miller. Address is 4535 Dawnfield Rd. Planned to be a nurse. And I know she was human. I did the holy water and silver test before she even walked through the door." I saw Dean smile,  his posture relaxing slightly as he moved to sit next to Sam on the couch.

"So you don't think she was involved?" I shook my head adamantly.

"If she was, she wasn't a willing participant. Sarah was a good kid. She loved Henry." My vision blurred as the tears began to well up again. All I could imagine was Henry's hazel eyes, wide with fear and confusion. I couldn't imagine, didn't want to imagine what he was feeling, what he was going through. It was my fault. I failed as a mother and now my son was paying for it.

I heard the brothers calling my name, asking questions I couldn't focus on. I stood suddenly, barely mumbling that I needed air before walking out the front door, letting it slam behind me. I sat on the front steps, picking at the peeling paint while I wracked my brain for any information that could help me find Henry. But there was nothing. I'd been so cautious, so careful in raising him. Ensuring he was protected from the things that lurked in the dark. I hadn't been careful enough.

The step next to me creaked with the weight of another person, and I looked beside me. Sam sat rigidly at my side, smiling slightly as I looked over at him.

"Will you, will you tell me about him?" It's the first genuine smile I'd cracked in days as I begin to animatedly describe just how much Henry resembles Sam. His mannerisms, his personality, his intelligence. I could talk all day about him, and Sam's grin as I describe him warms my heart.

"I need him back Sam." The tears start to come again then, and I couldn't help the frustration I felt as I tried to hold it back.

"I know. We'll find him Riley. We will. I promise." Sam drew me in then, hugging me into his side as I sobbed into his shoulder. And as the sadness in my chest dissipated, a deep seated fear replaced it.

---

Dean was no longer in the living room by the time I got back inside. Bobby pointed up the stairs as I looked for him, and I nodded thankfully as I walked to the room I knew was his. He was sitting on the side of his bed, fingers threaded into his hair. He looked up as I walked in, tears beginning to leak from the corners of his eyes. I stepped towards him, letting him wrap his arms around me, head resting on my stomach as we cried together.

"I swear to God Riley. I'm gonna get him back for you." I tried to smile through the tears, leaning down to kiss the top of his head.

"I know."

---

Hours later, I felt exhaustion creeping in on me as the impala drove back in the direction of home. Dean had said it was our best start. Bobby stayed behind, beginning to make calls to fellow Hunters to put out a supernatural amber alert on Henry. Sam was in the passenger seat doing the same, trying to cover as many bases as we could. My foot tapped anxiously against the floorboard as Dean drove, trying to desperately keep my mind from wandering to worst case scenarios. I met Dean's eyes for a moment in the rearview mirror and he nodded to me reassuringly. I nodded back, attempting to sit back and relax as the impala moved forwards.

"Get some rest Riley. You're going to need it." Dean's voice was clouded with authority, letting me know that I wasn't supposed to argue. I sighed and closed my eyes, letting myself drift off into a world where my son was safe in my arms.