Unexpected (Ace Frehley)

can't tell

My eyes open, feeling Ace's arms around me. I carefully try to remove his arms without waking him up.

I make my way to the kitchen and bake some pancakes, my favorite. I'm happy right? I should be happy. Why don't i feel happy? Ace and i are back together and i'm happy about that, but i don't feel happy on my one.

"Goodmorning curly". A smile on his face. "What kind of nickname is that?" I laugh. "I don't know, it's uhm, i call everyone that". "Well okay then, curly". I hand him a plate stacked with pancakes and he gratefully takes it. "You know Sav, you still make the best pancakes". I smile at his compliment. "I know i do".
I sit down across from him. My eyes glide around the dirty kitchen, coming to a halt when i spot the teddybear that was supposed to be for Assey. I stand up feeling Ace's eyes following me, picking up the teddybear. "We haven't really talked about it did we? When we had our relationship". A slight look of pain forms in his eyes and i can't blame him, i feel it too. "I don't think we did". I sit back down again, placing the bear on the table. "It's cute". "It is, if it wasn't i wouldn't have gotten it". I roll my eyes, "yeah right Ace". He just laughs with that dahm laugh of his, i can't help but too.
"You know, if things went right, there could be a chance we had her by now". He hesitates to say something. "Spit it out Ace". "Well, are you sure you would've wanted to be.. well, pregnant". "Well.. i didn't. At first. But when i got to three months of pregnancy, i kind of realised it wasn't that bad and maybe she would've fixed me". Shit. He places his hand on top of mine. "What do you mean fix you?" Fuck fuck fuck. No no no no no no. I don't want to tell him. "Oh uh, kept me from drinking you know". I trie to make my way out, altough i'm a good actor, i know he knows that's not treu. My legs begin to uncontrolably shake up and down. "I'm not buying that Savanna". I hope i sink right thro the floor, into the gates of hell. Please. "Sav, you can tell me". I pull my hand away from his, trying to stop the bouncing of my knees but my head seems to just not be able to focus on shutting down those nerves. I can't do it. "There's just". Oh come on. Just think of something else. He gives me a sceptical look. "I'm, i think, about...". Come on, just do it. "I- i". "Take your time, Sav". How do i even formulate this? What if he doesn't want to be with me anymore, cause he thinks i'm not happy with our relationship. That that's the reason i want to die. That's not it. I don't even have a fucking reason, that's the worst part. "It's that.. you remember Jonathan". Good god. My legs finally seem to rest again.  I'll speak about that. That's also not the easiest to speak about but better than death. "Jonathan, the old guy. How's he?" "I wish i knew". "What do you mean?" "He's dead, i wish he wasn't. He was sick and he was in pain. The last night i saw him, he told me he was going to end his own life, because he couldn't take it anymore". A wave of sadness passes over me, but it also feels relieving. I know Ace listens to me, i listen to him too. "I'm sorry for you Sav". "Don't be, i want what's best for him and if that's this. Then it is". He passes me a sympethatic smile. "But i don't really want to talk about that right now so". "Oh yeah, i understand".

We finish breakfast and part our ways. I don't know what he's doing, probaply in the studio or something but i'm trying to figger things out. There was obviously a reason why Ace cheated on me, i don't think it is because he doesn't love me but because of something else. Alcohol or coke. I'm obviously not sure but most rockstars do it, they can't keep their hands off of it. When i saw him that night, his eyes were so red you'd almost say they were bleeding. I just hope he's not taking things to far.