With Love, Grace Dermatomy

Part 1-Confrontation

Dear God,
Well I just started writing this letter, so you might be a bit confused about my situation in the beginning. However I'm quite sure you will keep up eventually.

In a nutshell, I'm Grace Dermatomy - I mean literally, that's my full name (prompts to my parents I guess -Veni and John Dermatomy).

I'm a resident doctor in Germany and I study dermatology, which is quite ironic if you consider my name.

Anyways, so the reason I've started writing this letter is, that right now I'm feeling completely messed up psychologically.
You remember those nights when you were a kid and dreaming of the Prince Charming of your future? The one you couldn't have at that moment because you were studying like crazy to get into med school, but hoped would finally find you, whilst you on your studies?
Well let's say he is either too lazy to come and find you, or he simply doesn't exist.

I'm too romantic sometimes. You know... I often have the wish to be in someone's arms, kiss him, find shelter to him.
So I'm acting as if I desperately need someone to like me or be with me.
The truth is... I don't need anybody. It's just that I'm in love with the idea of receiving a males tenderness.
Have you ever imagined that hot blond guy, with the crystal blue husky eyes approaching you?
He smiles at you and makes you feel as if you are the one and only person in his sexy world.
Well let's he has a girlfriend. They actually all do.
They might show interest but in the end you are the one who is naive and "misinterpreting" things.
You are the one who makes stories in her mind and believes there could be a chance to find that one you used to dream of.
The bitter truth though is ,that, even if he is perfect for you, you will always find him at the wrong time, where he already has a girlfriend.
And because you are a good person and respect all females, as well as want to prevent your self from getting embarrassed, you shut your feelings in that little box you have called soul.
Well I object to let my soul get burdened with all this nonsense players who just want to have fun.
If it's not meant to be it won't be.
So I guess that's why I'm writing these letters to you now.
To express my disappointment and try to find myself.

You might be wondering what made me feel so bitter.
Well you will find out eventually I guess.
The contact with the person who hurt me without even knowing that - at least not before I unfortunately and embarrassingly expressed him my feelings for him in an attempt to relieve my inner world from my unfulfilled hopes- is inevitable.
He is a senior coworker and I'm obliged to meet him every single day at work.
And believe me...I don't get many days off. So that's a bit of a problem, don't you think?

But I took my decision.
I will devote myself to my profession and try to become the best dermatologist I can.
Well that's the only thing that can actually guarantee my happiness, since people around me are unreliable.

I don't want to turn you against relationships.
It's just that for some people it works just fine for others rather not.
So dear God, please let all girls, women and everyone else who shares the same incurable and disastrous romantic self join me on my journey hopefully to success.
And who knows maybe Love finds me after all.
What is it they say?-Hope dies last? Well I guess I'll never give up on hope.
What I can do though is care less and think less.
I shall stop victimizing myself and stand up tall.
Just get used to the idea that love isn't for everyone. Well, I will devote my passion to my work and the people I love- my family.
Maybe also help some old people and kids.
This always gives me joy. I love love and I love spreading my love everywhere.
How can men be so blind and miss that? I guess they just want someone who only likes to flirt, or is good in bed.
Well, I suppose I look too friendly to them. Or I expect a lot. But as a friend of mine said: Why should I compromise to be with someone who doesn't offer me emotionally what I'm offering to him?
That's a very decent point.

Well let's call today the awakening day.
The day of my own personal confrontation of the real hard world, that has no comparison to the fairytales I used to get across with growing up.
I love you God. I trust you and no matter what I know you will always be by my side and guide me, lead me to the light.
Whatever it takes I'll conquer my dreams and make them reality.
That's the real power.
I cannot control the feelings of someone else, I cannot use magic to charm them, but what I can do, is become a badass woman, with the heart of a lion, the freedom of an eagle and the spirit of a dragon.
May you help me on my journey, on our journey.
The story begins just now!
With love,
Grace Dermatomy