Shanghai

Chapter 1: Hell

For the first 14 years of my life, I thought I was going to be your average Swiss guy.

I grew up in a small village on the Swiss country-side. To me, it was pure joy. You could just grab your bike, and you'd be able to go anywhere you wanted to go. I loved comics and games, and I spent all my pocket money on them. And I drew my own comics, set in my own little universe - a universe that ever expanded. Part of my life was outside with my friends, building huts in the forest and trying to solve the school's mystery with our own little detective club. We tried to sell food and drinks to our neighbours, and we shot our own movies. It was everything from our own version of James Bond (with pretty good stunts considering we were around 8 at that time), to tales about our weird neighbours. It was an unimaginably great time. My best friend also started to draw comics, and we had ideas for crossovers. And yeah, we both had Legos at home, and each of us tried to have an even more vibrant city, an even more extraordinary building every time we met. We were totally thriving.

And then, we got to the age of 14. You were no longer supposed to play with Lego. You were supposed to start taking school seriously, think about your future and what you wanted to be. At school, pressure started to ramp up. You had to fit in, be like all the others. And if one thing became clear then it was that one thing you did not want to be was gay. It wasn't so much about the having sex with guys part. It was more that being gay meant not being a real guy. And if one thing was important at that time, it was that it was to be a real guy - whatever that meant. As someone who wasn't into sports, this became increasingly difficult. And soon, I got the label of gay, as did my best friend. That label mostly meant we were outcasts, and it meant we were on the top of the list if it was about who was going to be dunked in the snow when winter came around, or who's fault losing a soccer game was. Honestly, this secondary school stuff started turning into a hell scape. But that's pretty much when everything changed for me. 

to be continued... (very soon)