Clueless

Just a Clue - Unedited Version

Just a Clue - Unedited Version

A romantic love story of strong emotions, uncertainty, mess-ups, beauty and depth

Episode: 1

I met Vihan first during childhood; I am Aarthi and I was in the beginning of my sixth standard and he was in the beginning of his seventh standard when I met him first and became his friend. Wait a minute! I can't call us friends yet, as I was not sure if Vihan was my friend, as he was a person who never showed out his feelings, unlike me, the exact opposite. I was left clueless about what was going on in his mind and heart. Since he did not express to me or show any sign that he also likes me, for many days, with extreme difficulty, I did not reveal to him the fact that I liked him and did not even think about him as I didn't want to disturb him even with my thoughts or force him. I knew that he had a crush on me but I wanted to know if it was a serious-enough crush which had the possibility of turning into love (as I am a person who is serious even about crushes, I don't know why) for which he gave me no sign and he even looked at me only hesitantly (I don't know why).

Since he even saw me only hesitantly, I became hopeless about the chance that he might have a crush on me and that he would muster enough courage to propose to me and so I became hopeless about the future of our relationship. But I really did not know why he was so hesitant to even see me. His hesitation conveyed to me the message that he liked me but was not sure that he liked me. I felt like that since I used to look at him with love openly even when he saw me looking at him like that. But, at that age, I did not understand that each person's way of expressing love is different (which I now understand).

I voluntarily and whole-heartedly let him go to allow him to live his life happily and also because I didn't want to force him to reciprocate my love for him (I don't force anyone to reciprocate my love for them (in relationships other than a romantic relationship too). But, as a real gentleman, he might not have wanted to stare at a girl, and I might have mistaken that he was hesitant. The fault was on both our sides if he had been in love with me during childhood. His fault was that he didn't give me a sign that he liked me the way I liked him and my fault was that I was very quiet during that age, so, the indirect signs I gave him about my love for him might not have been enough for him to understand that I was in love with him. Assumption is a big enemy of any love relationship, or for any relationship, for that instance.

Many years passed like that. I genuinely forgot him and the fact that I was in love with him because of my very young age when I was with him and since I didn't see him after that (I did not forget him and the truth that I was in love with him deliberately). But after many years, his memories came back to me one day, out of the blue, and they had the same intensity which was present in my feelings for him eight and a half years ago. Did that mean he was the one for me? Time only had to reveal this to me. And I didn't yet know if he was in love with me.

However, if he was in love with me, I got the fear if he misunderstood me that I cheated him or avoided him all those years, when the tru th was that I had naturally and genuinely forgotten him because of my very young age when I was with him. What if he had been thinking that I cheated him or avoided him? I could never have avoided him or cheated him and I would have and could have never been able to leave him under any circumstance if I had not forgotten him; I loved him that much.

When I was with him, if only I had known that I would forget him later, I would have pleaded with him to not leave me even if I forgot him. If I had seen him even once in between my eighth standard and eleventh standard when I saw him next, maybe I would not have forgotten him (since those were the transition years from the beginning stage of maturity to a more advanced stage of maturity).

I can also suspect that he was testing me all these years to see if I were good enough for him to propose to me and that's why he did not stay in touch with me, but did I suspect him? No, I did not. So, I didn't think he would also suspect me of cheating him or avoiding him. Or would he have also sacrificed his love for me thinking I am not interested in him, not understanding the indirect cues I gave him? If I had not forgotten him, I would have surely been in touch with him. But if he had continued to not give any sign that he liked me, I would have also not given any sign that I liked him, to not disturb or force him, but if, during his marriageable age, he was still single, I would have proposed to him and got to know what was on his mind. If he had accepted my proposal, I would have been happy. If he had not denied my proposal but not accepted it also, I would have waited for him for however long it took, but if he had denied my proposal, I would not have disturbed him after that.