im getting bad again
I read about a girl reaching her weight goal and wanting her mom to be proud
and I wasn't sad that her mom was dead or that her mom put her through that
I was jealous that I wasn't that small. that I'd never been.
I was sad that she had what I never did- a mom.
even if her mom was bad for her. at least she had her.
I'm getting bad again
I lock myself in the bathroom and cry every night now
it's the only time I'm alone
I don't want anyone to know or they may try to help me.
I don't know what's worse
wanting to get bad
or hiding it from the people I know care about me
I'm getting bad again
and I don't care
I'm excited for it
I miss the safety blanket of doing bad
I miss the familiarity of stomach pains from lack of food
I miss the physical pain helping me ignore the emotional pain
I'm getting bad again
and I don't think I'm going to stop it this time
YOU ARE READING
Whispered Thoughts and Screaming Lines
PoesieMy attempts at poetry Trigger warning for every poem Mentions of: suicide, self harm, eating disorders, dysphoria, etc. Most poems are written as spoken word so if they sound weird when you read them that's why
