Me and Jermaine had been together for about 5 years coming this September, and it's been nothing but toxic. He is so disrespectful and abusive but I've always seen the good in him, I know that he can change and become a better man that's one of the only reasons I'm staying with him. Also because he said he would kill me if I ever left him, and I believed him. He has already killed someone that would have kept me happy in this depressing ass life I live: my unborn child. He kicked me down the stairs after punching and kicking me multiple times in the stomach when I was 5 months pregnant with his baby and we lost her. He had been shooting blanks for years so he didn't believe it was his. That baby was a miracle and he killed her. He's very loyal, handsome and educated, he just has anger issues, bipolar disorder and can't control himself once he gets angry. I can say the wrong thing and he'll go off and eventually hit me to prove his point. My sisters and best friends know about the abuse, just not the depths of it. They always tell me to leave before he kills me, but either way whether I stay or not Jermaine will find a way to kill/hurt me. Fast forward to today, he woke up with an attitude from last night. He told me to go shopping last night then to cook him dinner, but I accidentally burned the food and he flipped out. I ordered his favorite chicken spot afterwards because I felt bad, but he didn't even say thank you. After he was done eating I cleaned up his mess and went to sleep. When we woke up he was still mad. He holds grudges for too long. I already apologized and I wanted to start the new day off with a better attitude, but I guess not. Once he woke up he went to the bathroom and came back to the room, I was still laying down because it was 9:00AM and i couldn't hardly sleep last night, I feel like I got about 4 hours of sleep. But once he saw that i was still laying down he went OFF. "Why the fuck are you still laying down?! Get your lazy, fat ass up off that bed and go cook me breakfast. I swear to god I deserve better, you don't do anything for me." He said. I've learned over the years to just do what he says and not talk back because it only leads to me getting hurt, but this time I was over it. I break my back day in and day out for this man and he NEVER recognizes it. "How can you be so ungrateful?! I do EVERYTHING for you, I do anything you say when you say it and I make ONE mistake by burning your dusty ass food and now I do nothing? Fuck you! I can't do this no more. I HATE you!" I said getting out of the bed on my way to go make his breakfast. Regardless of how bad I wanna leave and just say fuck all this, I know better. I have it in mind to leave, now isn't the time. I was in the kitchen getting all the stuff out for breakfast, I was wondering why he was so quiet and didn't say anything back to me, by this time I'd be slapped up already. As I was leaning down to get the milk out of the fridge I hear his footsteps, I'm not gone lie I got nervous, I always do. When I leaned back up out the fridge he had a gun pointed to my head. "Jermaine...WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" I said putting my hands in front of my face and ducking . "Bitch I've had enough of you and that mouth, you don't deserve me bitch and I'm not letting anyone else have you. You disobey me one more time and this bullet going through yo head on Tyree." Jermaine was serious. He never puts anything on his cousin unless he is serious. I don't even know what to say back at this point, I'm too scared to even say OK. But at the same time, I don't even want to be here anymore. I don't want to keep suffering being in this relationship and knowing I'll never be able to leave. Do I disobey him purposely so he can end this for me? Or do I risk being stuck the rest of my life? "Jermaine, baby I'm sorry, I love you, I promise it'll never happen again." I say crying , only because know what I'm going to have to do. He takes my arm and brings me to our room, he puts his gun down in the closet on the 3rd shelf under a green polo shirt. He pushes me on the bed and we made love for hours. I didn't enjoy one bit of it. It wasn't even love, it was him taking his anger out on me, in me, and me letting him. I made his breakfast, cleaned up the house and ran some errands for the day. He never let me be out for more then 2 hours without texting or calling him or stopping home so he can see me. I was gone for 6 hours today, at my sisters house. I didn't text him not once, and he didn't call or text me either. When i went home around 8pm, his car was there. I got nervous, but I'm so over everything so i didn't even care. I knew what i was doing tonight. I went in the house and to my surprise he was sleeping on the lazyboy in the living room. He looked so peaceful. Not like a psycho. I settled in and went to the closet to grab a change of clothes, the green polo was on the ground, the gun was gone. I went to the living room to see if Jermaine had the gun with him, he did. It was in his hand. He was going to kill me. I broke down, because reality set in. I got myself together after several minutes of ugly crying and quietly went to see if Jermaine was still sleeping. Im so ready to get this over with. I can't do this anymore. It's either this or be abused forever. And he can finally pay for all the abuse and hurt he brought me. I go to the logging room and see him still sleeping. I looked at the gun to see if the safety is off and it isn't, and his finger is on the trigger. He is ready. But not as ready as i am. He started moving like he was about to wake up and i just got so scared I grabbed the gun out of his hand as quick as possible. *POP* the gun goes off.
