Marvel OneShots

Understanding | Loki x Y/n Rogers

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TW: This story contains mentions of SH and Depression!

A quick little synopsis: The Avengers captured Loki after that battle of New York. You've been warned by your father -- Captain Steve Rogers -- to stay away from the mischievous God, however, one day you go snooping and the God sees right through you. 

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Y/N Roger's POV -

My dad warned me to stay away from Loki. However... one peak won't hurt anyone, right? I creep slowly along the cool white walls. Back against the wall, I take a deep breath. I peek my head around the corner, the room is probably 20 by 20 feet with the same white walls. A 10 by 10-foot glass cage is in the center of the room, and the fearsome god of mischief looks tiny in the glass cage. He is sitting with his back to me, leaning against the nearest wall. He's reading. I feel my lips curl upward. Seeing him in person, he doesn't seem so scary. "Why are you wearing a sweatshirt, it's summer?" I flinch, his voice is deep yet gentle.

I unconsciously pull at the sleeves of my black hoodie, "I uh- Just get cold really easily." How can he see me? Does he have eyes in the back of his head? Maybe that's why his hair is so long. My heart is picking up pace. 

Meanwhile, he sets the book down and moves to a sitting position on the small uncomfortably looking bed. He looks at me with sad eyes, "why do you do it?"

My heart stops, "do what?"

He's still looking at me with those eyes, "Why do you hurt yourself?"

"What the hell? Are you reading my mind?!" I take back what I said before this was a terrible idea. Loki is a manipulative, lying, psychopath!

Loki stands up, "No no no. I'm sorry! The uh- long sleeves in the middle of summer, the pulling on the sleeves when I mentioned it, that's what gave it away. I used to do it too." He pauses, "I can't read minds without a physical connection, by the way."

"You did it too?" I can't believe that the god of mischief just admitted to self-harm. He has refused to talk to any of the Avengers, yet he just told me something so deep and personal. 

He chuckles lightly like I had reminded him of an old friend. "You know, my father told me that I was born to be a king. But, no matter what I did, he always favored Thor. Sure, I wasn't as strong as him, but I was smarter than him. I did everything I could think of to impress my father. I even led one of Asgard's enemies into the palace so that I could save him. But he chose Thor. Like I knew he would. I grew up in Thor's shadow, I grew up thinking I wasn't good enough." He shakes his head, "At first, I was trying to build my pain tolerance. After a while, I was using it to punish myself for not being what my father wanted. I wasn't happy. I even tried to make myself a king of Midgard. But standing over a falling New York City, I realized that this wasn't the answer."

Wow. Loki's words hit deep. I know what it's like to feel so empty. Every second of every day, no matter what. The feeling that you're not good enough. "That's deep." It's all I can manage.

Loki smiles weakly and changes the subject, "So, why do you do it?"

I sigh trying to prepare myself. Normally I would never share something like this, but for some reason, Loki makes me feel understood. "Sometimes umm, I'm just trying to feel something other than numb. Other times, because I'm Y/n Rogers, Captain Bloody Fricken America's daughter and no matter how hard I try, I will never be good enough."

Loki nods his head, a silent understanding. Tears are stinging my eyes. I don't blame my dad, he's doing his best, and if I told him how I feel he would immediately tell me lies about how proud he is of me. A single tear fall from my eye and I quickly wipe it away with the back of my hand, "I'm sorry I don't know what's wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you, you're hurting. You're fighting a battle in your mind every day while trying to appear normal on the outside." I don't know what happens, it's like my body just takes control. I'm walking over to the control panel, pressing buttons, and opening the glass cage. I find myself standing in front of the god of mischief, completely vulnerable. Instead of fleeing his cage, he wraps his arms around me, "It's okay child. Let it out." I begin sobbing into his chest, while he just holds me. I don't know how long I stand there, but eventually, my tears run dry and I pull away. I realize just how tall he is, at least a foot taller than me. "Come, sit." He leads me to the bed and helps me to sit. He picks up the book he set down earlier before sitting beside me. He opens it and begins to read, it's a poem, 

"There are days that truly bring us down

We sit and mod and constantly frown

The issues we face right now are overwhelming

We feel like jumping up and running. 

But running away doesn't take away the pain

Running away only makes us feel more drained

Find that glimmer of hope

Focus on that it will help you cope.

Rather than sitting and feeling sad

Take action and don't get mad

Find a way to take one step

Towards the thing called happiness. 

You see life is full of struggles and hurt

There are times when we all feel like dirt.

But don't stay down, get up and find

A change of thought of the positive kind. 

It may not be easy to get back on your feet

But moving forward, step by step can be sweet.

One foot in front of the other can be

Better than sitting and pouting you will see.

So even though the struggles you face

Don't give in and lose the pace. 

Let your determination show

Even if your progress is slow.

The day will come when good times roll

One step at a time you will reach your goal

So when you see a challenge coming your way

Remember this too shall pass, you shall say!"

I've leaned my head onto Loki's shoulder and have half fallen asleep to the sound of his voice. Who would have guessed that this is exactly what I needed?