Wasn't Meant To Be

Chapter 29

Errors Ahead

Letting go

After that day I was ashamed of myself for acting so righteous, tama si Perseus I act as if hindi din ako nagpapakatanga kay Cassius. I have no right to lecture him like that kasi paarehas lang naman kami, mas malala panga ako kasi wala namang namamagitan sa amin ni Cassius pero tangang tanga nako.

My eyes were glued outside as I boringly sat at my class while my professor was busy talking about numbers and how to increase sales when it's time of crisis, hay business nga naman. But what I was interested was how do you know when to let go of a person and feelings and how do you let go of it. Napaisip isip din ako dahil kay Perci. Mukhang narinig ako ni bathala when I saw someone from afar that might have the answer.

I raised my hand, not knowing my professor was asking questions, recitation.

"May I excuse myself Mr. Gonzalez?" My classmates chuckled because of my timing. Nawala ang liwanag sa mata ng aking professor he thought I was going to participate, bumuntong hininga nalamang si Mr. Gonzalez at pinahintulutan akong lumabas.

I ran as fast as I could and called his name out loud ng malapit lapit nako.

"Kyle!" Hingal kong sigaw.

It's been a long time when I last saw him and boy got more handsome. He gave me a curious look samantalang ako habol hininga na. Itinaas ko ang aking kamay nag sesenyas na bigyan niya muna akong ng Segundo para makapagpahinga, he waited.

"Why were you running?" He asked me, at pinaypayan ako sandal gamit ang librong dala dala niya.

"Well I have this question in my mind and when I saw you from afar I thought you might have an answer." I gave him a hopeful smile.

"I see." Inayoos niya ang kaniyang pagtayo. "So what is the question?" Interesado niyang tanong.

I kind of hesitated because it felt weird that I'm asking love advice from him but I need the answer.

"H-ho-how did you manage to let go of your f-f-feelings for me?" Nauutal at nahihiya kong tanong. Damn, hidni ko din magawang tumingin diretso sa mata niya.

"I haven't let go of my feelings." Deretso niyang sagot na medyo nagpalaki ng mata ko.

He hasn't? I shook the thought and focused.

"Then, how did you manage to let go of me?" I lifted my head and asked him looking straight to his eyes this time.

"I accepted the fact that there will be no chance of you giving back my feelings. That I had to let you go but it took time, I just waited till you admitted it to yourself that you still like Cassius."

He avoided eye contact as he answered my question with a trace of pain.

"Do you think I can do the same Kyle?"

"You're a strong type of girl Isla, you endured this long that means you're also strong enough to let go of him." Tinapik niya ang aking balikat at binigyan ako ng ngiti bago lumisan na.

I went home deep in thoughts processing and analyzing of what I really feel and how do I let go of him. Acceptance was Kyle's answer but I already accepted it that he'll never like me a long time ago. I'm not waiting for any exchange for the love I am feeling and been giving to him. Pero ang sakit padin. Masakit at nakakatakot. I feel like sobrang daming kulang at mali sa akin for him not to see me. Nakakatakot kasi what if I'll be stuck here forever. What if I lose myself?

"Lala." Ate Andra's voice echoed from the hall as I sat quietly beside our pool.

She smiled gently to me with pity and love on her eyes. Tinabihan niya naman ako at ibinabad narin ang kaniyang paa sa tubig ng pool. Iniyuko ang aking ulo dahil sa kahihiyan, hindi man sabihin ni ate Andra out loud at paulit ulit she probably is not happy with my love life. She held me closer to her, naramdaman ko ang mainit na luhang nagipon sa aking mga mata at ang dibdib kong kumikirot.

"You know Lala it's okay to love someone but sometimes it's much better to let go." She really knows what to say. I needed someone to hammer it harder and deeper. I needed someone to fully convince me to let go.

"It's hard and it hurts but that's how love is Lala."

But why does it have to hurt so much? I don't get love at all.

"It's also a sign, the time has come where you have to really leave, kasi if you won't then there really be no end to this. I bet it scares you to lose yourself."

Ang mga luhang pinipigilan ko ay tuluyan nang tumulo at dahan dahan inangat ni ate Andra ang aking mukha.

"There is solution for your pain Lala, may exit ka. You probably have the answer of how to let go, you're a smart girl." Deretso ang kaniyang mga mata sa akin. "Alam mo anong kulang?" malambing niyang tanong.

"Action, if you want to let go you must also leave it. You need action Lala." After that she hugged me tightly as I cry harder. Pakiramdam ko sinasaksak ang aking puso ng paulit ulit, I felt so low. The memories of embarrassment flashed back. Mga realizations na he was just fooling around me came back a little much harder than last time. His enjoyment of making me feel bliss but all lies. Mga pagpapaasa na kinapitan ko naman, I feel so dumb. But how could I hate him? I blame myself for loving him too much, it doesn't matter if pafall siya I should have been smart. Hindi ko dapat hinayaang umabot sa ganito.

Author's Note:

Go girl!!!