Wasn't Meant To Be

Chapter 30

Errors Ahead

Goodbye

Maaga akong nagising dahil ang unang klase ko ngayon ay alasyete at malamang traffic kapag umaga. Hindi pwede malate, terror ang first subject. Mabilis din akong tumakbo nang makarating sa campus patungong class. Pero kahit na ganon hindi ako nakapag focus ng maigi maigi dahil sa malalim nap ag iisip tungkol sa isang bagay. After a week of preparing myself today I am ready to say goodbye. I don't want to leave without leaving any word, that's not me.

"This is the only solution I have in mind, wala ka mang pake sa friendship natin at sa nararamdaman ko I think it should end like this kasi I don't want suddenly disappearing into your life, I don't want you to feel guilty in the future when I act bad in front of you and you'll feel clueless I don't want that."

Pag eensayo ko. I was blabbering na parang baliw na kinakausap ang sarili. What's more funny I'm having facial expressions.

But I bet he's too smart he'll also understand even if I don't confront him like this, but I need to spell it out for him kasi minsan bobo siya. Also I think a bad ending for a friendship must always have a good goodbye conversation. Kahit pa sabihin nila ate na hindi ko na kailangan gawin ito dahil hindi naman deserve ni C"ass"ius ang kabaitan ko, I'd still do it, kasi mahalaga siya sa akin.

I arrived at my next class on time at kahit pa kinakabahan ako sa confrontation na gagawin ko thankfully I was able to focus on my class, a bit. I feel dizzy and felt like I wanna pee, darn. I controlled myself the next periods, breathing and exhaling slowly. Trying hard not to cry because of nervousness that's hard to control.

"This is good Isla, I'm proud of you." Pennie hugged me during break time.

Hindi ko naman maiwasang maluha. Masaki tang dibdib ko, hindi alam kung ano ba talaga ang dahilan pero nangingibabaw ang sakit ng kaba. Kumakalampag na kasi ang puso ko na para bang magpapakilala sa buong klase for the first time o di kaya'y nag rerecite ng periodic table.

"Rest assured that I'll be there, somewhere you can run to later."

Hindi man nabawasan ang kaba ngunit napangiti naman ako sa kaniyang sinabe.

I ate as much as I can that hour pilit ituon ang atensyon sa kung gaano kasasarap ang mga pagkaing nilalamon ko. Hangang sa natapos na at tumuloy sa susunod na klase. I texted Cassius to meet me sa usual spot namin sa field after class but, he didn't reply.

Matapos ang huling lecture our professor dismissed us, dali dali naman akong tumayo at patakbong naglakad patungo sa tagpuang sinaad ko. I feel like backing out but I held my heart tightly, telling myself that I can do it. Natanaw ko kaagad si Cassius na nakatingin sa may ulap habang nakapamulsa.

"Hey." Bati ko.

"Oi. Ano meron?" He asked with a smile on his face.

"I would like to tell you that..." I paused for a while, looking into his dark brown eyes. "I'm ending my friendship with you." There I said it!

"In my eyes gusto kong sabihin na matino ka, na okay lang, kaya ko namang tiisin yung sakit na dulot ng nararamdaman ko sayo at pagtrato mo sa akin." He didn't say anything at ang mga mata niya ay nakatuon sa akin ngunit walang pake ang mga ito.

"But I can't do it anymore. It's not right to let myself hurt. Hindi tama na saktan moko ng ganito. Playing around, acting as if you didn't do anything wrong." Nararamdaman ko ang luha ko sa gilid ng aking mata.

"Alam mo Isla, wag na muna tayong mag usap ngayon. Masyadong mainit ulo mo."

Saan banda sat ono ko nag tunog galit? Siguro kailangan mag linis ng tenga nito, pero kumalma ako.

"Hindi mainit ang ulo ko." I said.

"Again, I'm ending this friendship. I want to get rid of my feelings for you. I almost do, pero sa tuwing nagpaparamdam ka nanaman bumabalik lahat. Mga banat mon na alam ko wala namang laman pero nahuhulog padin ako and the fact you know well that what you're doing is going to make me fall you still do it, that's a jerk move."

Alam ko pagod na siya makinig pero wala akong pake. Napakarami nitong nararamdaman ko. He must hear and learn from it.

"I'm sorry." He said, but I know too well that wasn't a sorry.

Huminga akong malalim bago muling nagsalita.

"I don't know what else to say." I have never ended a friendship with anybody else. So ano nga ba dapat talaga ang sasabihin?

"Maybe in the future we'll be friends but for now please, let me get over you." I forced a smile, at tuluyan nang tumulo ang luha sa kanang mata ako.

"Good bye Cassius." Hinayaan niya akong yakapin siya at humalik sa pisngi dahan dahan.

I love you.... I wanted to leave those words but I didn't.

Author's Note:

Isla, I'm so proud of you.