Ticking Teen Bomb

But why?

Why do I feel this way? I shouldn't. If I care about my mental health and heart I wouldn't. I've learned once, twice, thrice not to go in that route. But here I am making eye contact with him like it's only us in the room. Because looking is all we can do. We won't cross that line so why? Why am I entertaining these thoughts. I want peace and he is making it hard. I wonder if he knows what he does to me sometimes. It's pathetic, but hey I am a teen with hormones. When he's near me I'm annoyed because he does less than the bare minimum. Maybe this was all a mistake. He doesn't like me and I'm being delusional. But why? I'm an amazing catch. I'm funny, cute, and nice (when I want to be). But it doesn't matter because he's out of my league. I deserve someone significantly taller than me and makes an effort to make me feel loved. He doesn't check any of those major boxes. Why do I attract and like bums. Life is tough. It's best I take a step back, leave him alone, and focus on myself. Yup that's the plan. I don't want to keep going back and forth. Let me be firm and not waiver. He's not worth all the trouble. Good talk.