Redundant Apocalypses

Popcorn Monster Eats The Milky Way Galaxy

Chapter 1: Popcorn Monster Eats The Milky Way Galaxy

February 20th, 2022

It was a day like any other. I was doing some intense training with my new sword which I don't plan on ever replacing. My friend Dominic The Scientist aided me like always by putting on the weighted clothing I need to better train on me for me. He is able to pull this off with tech to make that a much easier process. I have trouble getting them on so I had to start getting help. I've been training today for a few hours but some strange news was about to be revealed. Dominic came into the training room unannounced and personally told me: "Adam, we have a problem. Myself and the other members of Miitopia BRAINS voted to have you be on a new mission. It's a really weird one. Some odd popcorn monster has eaten the entire Milky Way galaxy of your home universe. If you don't want to go on the mission, that's fine. After all, you just lost your mother. I'm planning on going and so are Bray, Blaze, and the spirit of your Red Rebel roller coaster." *theme song for Redundant Apocalypses plays*

"Oh shit, oh shit

What the hell is going on

There's an army of evil pizzas attacking

A big pointer finger fucking up a solar system

A star being turned into spaghetti

How could our luck be this shitty

What asshole is behind this bullcrap

Oh shit, oh shit

What the hell is going on

A planet is getting cut up with giant scissors

Into some kind of wicked collage

RCT3 peep bowling just somehow

Flattened an entire universe

And now there's an infestation of

Bird Dog parasites

And a civilization being wiped out by

A digital eraser tool

Just what is our luck today

Shit is hitting the fan

Fuck, it's a bunch of Redundant Apocalypses

Gotta start sharp and smart

Or else we're going to die

Very painful dumb deaths."

*Modern Rock music stops* "Dominic, I'm going to be okay. All I have to do is not think about it right now, we have a mission to complete and I'm not going to back out no matter what. I have to go on this one to save the Earth and overall galaxy from a fate even worse than capitalist oppression and climate change. Unlike when the internet acts up and becomes a massive pain in the neck thus forcing me to do other things, I'm choosing to do this." "Okay just remember to be careful, you did give up your powers after all." "I know! And wait a second, did you really just say a popcorn monster ate the entire Milky Way Galaxy? But it's not even a candy bar!"

"This is so unlike you to react so suddenly a bit after hearing something!" "No it's not, Dominic! You know me better than that! Btw, is there anyone else you'd like to have tag along? I will go find them and then we can stop that monster. Even blow the creature up if we really have to! I was gonna go out and get pizza in a hour. Dang it, I want my pizza!" "Just one more, Fluffy Afro!" "That sounds like a really dumb idea, I'm into it! I have a feeling dumbness will save face today." I leave my location and Dominic goes to the meeting room in the big facility we're in. And I promptly start looking for that clown. "Nope! Not in this training room!" 10 minutes later: "Wait he's not here in his room either?! Where did he go! Maybe he's making food while wearing a fire resistant helmet to prevent his hair from catching on fire?" I look in the kitchen and there's literally nothing there except a small single kernel of popcorn. Looking around several other places is fruitless too. Well, except for a special place where the rituals of urination and defecation take place. The door to the whole universal bathroom, stalls and all is locked for who knows what. Why the hell are they locked, this is the worst time ever for this! And then I hear the noises. Loud gaseous, noisy, and wet farts interrupt the calm quiet atmosphere just as the use of a certain somebody's vocal cords become apparent.