sometimes i wish i could take this pain and just give it to someone else. not permanently, just for a few minutes. i just want to know what it'd feel like to be free. just a few minutes of relief.
if i was good at art i think i'd try to paint my pain away, or at least draw something that could represent it, but i can't draw nor do i have any idea what i would draw. i'm not good with words either, but i think the closest thing i could do to "paint it away" is write it all down. write down how i wish i could start over. write down how i wish this all wouldn't have happened. how i wish i could be someone else. just shed my skin. shed the past. forget everything bad. but what i went through isn't even half as bad as what others have gone through and yet here i am so deeply traumatized i can barely stand to look at myself. i had been looking in the mirror and thinking about how i don't hate myself anymore, but i think the truth is i don't recognize myself. when i look in the mirror all i see is someone in pain and i want to hide away because i wonder if that's what others see as well. i don't want anyone knowing this part of me and yet i can't even hide it since i just burst out crying out of nowhere when i remember the slightest bit of what has hurt me.
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♡ my rants ♡
Rastgelethis is literally just me ranting about anything and everything. (my life is really weird and i have a lot of things to say, so read at your own risk!)
