I Like You Lots (Steddie)

Chapter 17

A/N; you ready? I'm not. Lol.

TW; depression, loss, drug use, addiction

I'm not sure how much time has passed. I haven't picked my phone up. I think I've been staring at the wall for the whole time. There's no way it's near lunch yet, right? I don't know how I feel. I went from one of the most happy moments of my whole life to... this. What even is this? It's not even like I care she's dead. But I do. I really do. Fuck. What do I do now?

DING.

I don't want to look at my phone. I don't want to even pick it up. It's more than likely Steve just saying hi, checking on me. Don't over think it. My father wouldn't text me. Not after what he just called me for...

Hey love, you okay? Haven't heard anything from you since you left and it's lunch. We still getting coffee?

Sorry I uh... had something come up... could you maybe meet me here?

Sure<3 I can meet you there. I'm on my way. Be there in s few.

Frozen to this spot, I set my phone down on the counter and stare at the door. I should lock it so no one comes in and thinks I'm working during the lunch break I'm supposed to be taking. I don't think I could handle human interaction aside from Steve. Honestly I can't even handle my own brain right now. Anger? No. Sad? No. Something. Something I can't figure out. It feels like something ripped through me.

"Baby!" Steve waltzes in the store with a smile for me, but as soon as we make eye contact his whole posture changes. "What's wrong?" He closes and locks the door behind him. "I..." my eyes start to well up. Why am I crying for this person who treated me so poorly? "My mom died..."

"Oh no... are you okay? What can I do?" He hurries up to me and wraps me in a hug and I let it all out. Crying like a fucking baby over someone who never treated me correctly or ever gave a shit about me. She's never defended me. Never tried to fix it. But here I am. Feeling like my world is ending. Is this my fault? Did I push her to the edge of using? She lost her kid, did it push her to lose her mind? I don't have any siblings. I don't have a lot of anyone. It's just me... and I ran off... "I... I don't know how he got my number..."

"Who?"

"My dad... he called me. And left a fucking voicemail to tell me what happened. He didn't even explain anything. Just said 'oh your mom OD'd so call me back.' And called me by a name that's not even mine. WHO FUCKING DOES THAT?! Who's just like, you know what I'm gonna call my kid who I basically abandoned for making a decision for themselves and leave a VOICEMAIL to tell them their mom died. Yup. That's exactly my fucking family. Jesus Christ. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST."

"Eddie..." Steve's voice is soft. He runs his hand through my hair gently. "Hey it's okay, it's going to be okay."

"It's not okay Steve. It's really not okay." I'm sobbing and shaking. "What can we do to fix it?"

"I need to call him back..."

"I think you need to cool down before you do that. You want to think about what you need to say and ask. Don't explode at him. He wants your reaction. He wouldn't have left a message like that without wanting you to react." He's right but I don't want him to be right. The last conversation I had with either of my parents wasn't pretty. I screamed and told them I hated them. I told them I never wanted to see or hear from either of them again. I told them I was moving as far away as possible. And I did... I came here. For sanctuary. For change. And now I'm feeling the same way as the day I left. "I hate him."

"I know you do... you never talk about them." I lower my head and look at the floor. "I know."

"Do you want to go smoke?" I nod and we go out the front door, and I lock it behind me. Steve lights my cigarette for me, my hands are too shaky to light a lighter. "Hey" Steve smiles at me sympathetically. It kind of brings me back down to earth a little, I feel bad for not even properly saying hello to him. Just instantly falling apart...