James closed the door to the oven and set the timer, wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand, and leaned back against the counter to drink a glass of water. As much as he loved cooking and baking, it was messy and sweaty work, and it looked like he was going to have to take a second shower if he was supposed to leave the house later. He'd finally managed to convince april to leave him alone in the kitchen, and she'd taken the opportunity to take a shower and a nap before they brought out the cake and presents for Christian's birthday.
James was just finishing his second glass of water when april walked into the kitchen with Christian right behind her.
"Thank you so much, james," she said, and pulled the oven door open a crack to peek inside, then turned to him and smiled. "They look amazing. Should let you do the pies every Christmas from here on out."
James nodded and tried to smile, but he knew it probably looked forced. Every time he thought that maybe he'd figured out a way to unwrap himself from this mess with the least amount of damage, he found himself deeper and more entangled than he'd imagined possible. The list of things he'd never considered when he'd agreed to this fake boyfriend thing was getting longer and longer.
Of course serious boyfriends who've been best friends since they met and have lived together for a year don't just break up after a few months of dating without ruining everything.
He could feel the panic rising inside him as thoughts ricocheted around inside his head. One of them would have to move out of their apartment, Christian's family would probably hate him no matter what reason christian gave them for their imminent break up, the friendship that he'd come to rely on as a cornerstone of his life would slowly fizzle and fade away...
"Hey," Christian murmured as he appeared in james line of sight and stepped in closer. "You okay?"
James took a shaky breath and shook his head slightly, trying to keep his focus on Christian, and trying to pretend that april wasn't watching him from across the room, concern plain on her face. He concentrated on christians eyes, then shifted his gaze up slightly to his hair where it fell across his forehead, and without thinking about it, he reached up to brush it to the side so that he could see both of Christian's eyes without interference.
"Take a deep breath, baby," Christian said quietly and laid one palm on james chest. He slid his hand down until it rested right over james stomach, then he took a deep breath and watched as James did too, making Christian's hand move. After a minute or two of paying attention to his breathing and to Christian, James felt a little bit better. He nodded quickly and leaned down to rest his forehead on Christian's shoulder.
They stood there in the kitchen, james face tucked into Christian's ' neck, Christian's' hands slowly stroking up and down james back, until james felt mostly normal again. He couldn't stop worrying about losing Christian, but he could ignore it like it was his job.
"Sorry.. I ," James muttered against Christian's neck and just saying those words made his eyes sting. He closed them tight and told himself that he wasn't ruining their weekend.
Christian shushed him and moved his hands down james back, bringing them to rest above the waist of his jeans and locking his fingers together. Christian turned his head and placed a gentle kiss on james ear. "Don't apologize. You've been doing too much, I think. Look at me?"
James raised his head and christian leaned back a bit, eyes darting back and forth like he was searching james face for something. "What?" James whispered.
"You've got flour in your hair." Christian grinned and gently tugged a few of James locks down until they were right in front of his eyes. "See? You're disgusting, james."
"You are." James stuck out his tongue and rolled his eyes.
Christian let go of James hair, but didn't drop his hand. Instead, he cupped James jaw and leaned in, placing a gentle, lingering kiss on the corner of James mouth before dropping his hand from James waist and linking their hands together.
"What was that for?"
Christian tipped his head sideways and silently mouthed, "Mom."
"She's been gone a while."
"Oh, well, um... Sorry."
"Don't be. It was nice." James bit his bottom lip and squeezed Christian's hand, then, before he could second guess himself, he brushed Christian's hair off his forehead again and kissed him, lips parted just enough that he could feel Christian's ' sharp inhale. It was as if he'd literally sucked the air out of James lungs. He squeezed Christian's hand again, then dropped it, and said over his shoulder as he walked out of the room, "I'm gonna shower."
He didn't know what had come over him. The fear of losing Christian completely and the realization that it was likely to happen no matter what had changed something in him. The notion that it was all going to disappear, that his entire life was going to be fucked up because of this, had set something off inside of James, and it felt like a fundamental shift in perspective, and he had the sudden urge to play his part so well that he was unforgettable. This fake boyfriend act would be his magnum opus. He'd be the boyfriend who allof Christian's future boyfriends were compared to, and he was determined that none of them would ever measure up.
