I am sitting on my school bench, listening to my biology teacher. He looks at my face, and then my dad's. It was ptm. The one thing almost every Indian student was scared of. Obviously not the ones who had studied all along and topped the first semester exams. I was one of them.Well atleast, in some subjects.
I stare out the window. Its raining outside, I hear the raindrops fall periodically on the shed. We are on the third floor. Above us is the terrace. It would take approximately 2 minutes for me to run there, considering I ran as fast as the world's fastest runner and there was no one to prevent me from jumping off. With my bad luck though, the door would be closed and I would be caught before I even left the classroom. Besides, there was my dad's REPUTATION to worry about. What would people think, the son of Advik Acharya, the Chief Administrative Officer, UltratechCement, is mentally unstable. My dad would start an investigation to figure out the reason as to why, I committed suicide. All my chats, with my friends, with HER, would be investigated. My dad would blame them, all of them, even though it was not all of them who pushed me this far. My death would make headlines. He would ensure it. It would spread all across India. He would ruin THEIR lives. I don't want HER life to be ruined because of me. Yes I am an overthinker.
"Aan Acharya is a great student, very attentive and interested in learning, his academics is also great, though there has been a slight drop in the curve, we believe he will do great in boards."
I look at my dad nervously. He looks at me and smiles ever so slightly.
"But its not his academics that we are concerned of, when it comes to behaviour, we are a bit skeptical."
I try not to meet my dad's eye. I can feel his eyes piercing into my head whilst he looks at me.
My dad always tells me that its MARKS that matters. He will let me do anything if I topped exams and brought a shitload of marks. Like majority of Indian families, my parents are really hard on me, and I mean 'beating me with sticks' kind, but they are harder on the ones who hurt me. I might say they are overprotective and try too hard to be the supreme saviour of their kid, yet they are my parents and I love them.
"Aan do you have anything to say ?" my dad asks callously.
I can see the anger in his eyes, for there is one thing my dad cares more than marks, REPUTATION and he would not let himself be insulted due to his son's mischief.
"I think I realize why that happened sir, and its not my fault, I was hanging out with bad company", I stutter.
"I'm glad you realize Aan, you are a really good student, do not let a few rotten apples ruin you", my teacher says.
"Sir would it be possible to know the names of these 'rotten apples'", my dad asks looks at me with his terrifying eyes. I've always thought that his new glasses made him look infuriating.
SHUT UP AAN
My biology teacher looks at me.
"Hmm, who do you think they are Aan."
"Sir I would say I might have had a negative influence from Derek and Sid," I say.
I look around. Thank god this is a 1:1 situation and also Derek's and Sid's roll numbers are far behind mine. There was no chance they could have heard this. Unless the teacher is a snitch and he says the same thing to them too. Ugh, I hate overthinking.
You might be wondering who were these 'rotten apples' who ruined my so called 'perfect' reputation which I had in school. Well, I would say I made mistakes. A lot of them. My mother always tells me that I have a poor choice of friends. She is kind of right. Since I moved in to Kolkata a few years back, I have failed to accquire even a single person, whom I can actually call a 'friend'. I really hoped SHE was the one. The one I could always trust, always rely on. Anyways.
Derek is my classmate. My first accquaintance with him was when I was feeling terribly lonely, devoid of any friends. There was a new Spider-man movie coming up and I am a huge fan of the frachise. My dad had gotten two tickets for the film and we were supposed to bond, have a 'father-son' time. I was really excited to watch the movie with dad, because after years of acting distant, he finally showed effort to bond. As I've mentioned before, I have a terrible luck. My Dad had to fly to Delhi to show up for an urgent meeting. He texted me.
Dad: Hey Aan, I dont think I will be able to make it to the movie...we should go some other day, but since I've paid for the tickets, why dont you take one of your friends.
Typical. The next day was the movie. I asked a lot of my classmates, one by one obviously, because there was only one spare ticket. The only one not to ignore me while I went around practically begging people to come with me was Derek.
***
I am still in the ptm and my dad's eyes are piercing into my skull.
"I knew it." My dad whispers.
"Its not a matter to worry sir, I've noticed that Aan has successfully tried staying away from them in the past few weeks."
"It better not be, Aan." Dad says.
I try not to meet my dad's eyes. I have never seen my dad so upset with me. Its not his fault, he had warned me. He told me to stay away from them. He was right.
"Well, thank you for meeting sir, and all the best Aan." my biology teacher smiles.
I get up from the bench and walk slowly towards the door, praying my dad would not ask any questions till we got home. He walks beside me through the school hallways. It is still raining outside, slowly. I can see the sunshine peek through the clouds. I can see the sky. It looks beautiful.
WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE ME. WHY DO I HAVE TO SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES OF OTHERS MISTAKES. WHY AM I ALWAYS AT FAULT.
Yeah. I am a nepophile and I do talk to the sky. Its not weird. SHE told me so.
My dad pulls out the umbrella and we walk towards the car in complete silence. I am sitting on the backseat of the car, fully aware that anything I speak will turn out to be an arguement as I have let down my dad. That feeling of guilt makes me stay quiet the entire ride home.
***
I live close to the school. It is a Sunday, so I do not have much to do. I lie down in my bed and let myself doze off. I did not want to. I had to do something, I couldn't just run away from my problems.
