My Life Story

(FRESHMAN YEAR)

Freshman Year: I came to highschool very optimistic. I found out that summer that I would be in Monona Grove High School's Silver Dimension show choir. Life at the beginning of freshman year was amazing. I got involved in clubs like HOSA, and Video Club and made some pretty cool memories. Football games were fun, especially operating cameras and the switchboard. Then a new girl entered my school life. She will remain anonymous. She slowly made my life a living hell. She spread rumors about me which lead to daily confrontations. I would be minding my own business and she would come up and start calling me names like a slut and a whore. She turned two of my friends against me, and make me feel unsafe at MG. Every day people would come up to me yelling at me for being mean to her, but I didn't do anything to make this girl hate me so much. I began filing bully reports and the office people after a while told me I was on my own and that there was absolutely nothing that they could do. I've always suffered from severe depression, but my depression escalated that year to new extremes. Suddenly getting up became a daily struggle, I went nights without sleep, weeks, emotionally I was tired. I became so depressed that I started missing weeks of school periodically. I couldn't get out of bed and I fought just to get up out of my bed... but I couldn't. Then things took a turn for the worst. Life became so unbearable that I started harming myself... It seemed to help. I couldn't function and I was so lost in my fear and depression I stopped eating. At one time my scar count went up from 10, 20,30 the worst it got was a total of 500. Yes..500 I never felt so low in my life.

Throughout Freshman year,I began to write more than I had before, trapped in the darkness of my past and haunted by my demons I felt like I wasn't living anymore. That year I made friends with a girl in my Medical Occupations class. She was a smoker, and she really understood me and what I was going through. That day she asked me if I wanted to accompany her on her smoking break. I gladly accepted I was so dissociated at that point all I wanted to do was escape school. So we went during the four minute passing period outside down to what is known as the smokers corner. She pulled out two cigarettes, and handed me one. She taught me everything I needed to know about drugs, how to take a hit, how to get the most out of it, and how to preserve a cigarette for a later use. She lit me up, and as I brought it to my lips I was like Fuck this shit. I inhaled and the smoke filled my lungs. It only took one more hit and I was flying. My body went completely numb and all my pain disappeared. I walked back into class with the smell of smoke on my breath, and It got harder to breathe. But I really didn't care. I was to high to care, about anything or anyone. I smoked on and off during freshman year, always looking for sources. I don't remember much about that year.