Wingless Crow (Suicidal Hinata)

Hopeless

A/N: Hinata's POV unless said otherwise!

I really couldn't stand it anymore. At home it was the same feeling like everywhere else. Am I even wanted? No... I knew that this was the case the moment my parents told me this: " If you don't like it here, then go to an orphanage. We didn't even wanted a son. Now SHOOOO! And be quiet!". It was something I heard pretty often before my sister was born. I still remember the times when they told me that.

However it changed whith my sister being around. Now they would just ignore me. Maybe this was for the better. Who knows. I just knew that it sure felt lonely. I wasn't sure if this was how family was supposed to feel but this was it.

I am late!

If only my sister didn't break her own alarm clock!

I hope Daichi will forgive me.

Who am I kidding.

I am late again....

If they will accept me if this is going on?

Who am I kidding....

There is no place for me in this world.

I grabbed my bike and quickly started to bycicle up the mountain and over it to Karasuno not carrying for anything at all. The thing was, I lived rather far away from that school but I still wanted to go there just because of the only joy I had left in life. I really loved volleyball. There was nothing better to keep my mind off than this. Each time when I start playing it, I would feel as if the world itself became meaningless and there was just me, the ball, the net and the court.

I just loved this feeling.

Without it, who knows how long I would have lasted... it was basically my last string of hope.

As I was getting over the mountain, all of the sudden a car came speeding around the corner. This was bad because it was driving over the speed limit and couldn't get the corner as it should. 

Me: AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

Shit!

It hurts...

I am still alive....

Why?

Maybe it is better if it killed me...

NO!

I shouldn't think like this.

Better get up and get going.

Daichi and the others are waiting for me!

Just the thought of having someone waiting for me made me stand up despite the fact that the car just crashed into me. Thankfully I just scrapped my knee but nothing too serious. Besides the driver was off and no where to be seen anymore.

Me: *sigh* Now I am really running late.

Without any more dely, I went on and on until I arrived at Karasuno and sprinted to our changing room to get changed. Of course I didn't care about the pain. It was a sign of being alive and that was kinda reasuring cause I sure felt empty inside.

Me: I am sorry! I am late!

That was the first thing I did when I arrived in front of Daichi. He looked disapointed in me. Oh  how couldn't he be? I was a failure after all. I knew it. He didn't had to lie to me and tell me something else.

Daichi: Hinata, this can't go on. You have to be here when everyone is! You lacking behind.

I know...

I know...

I am sorry!

It was my fault for getting late.

I am so sorry.

Daichi: Last warning. If you can't be on time then I have to remove you from the team and put you on the bench.

Me: I am sorry.

Most of his words went passed me since the only thing that was important for me was to play. My own life was hanging on the line. Without it, I didn't know what to do! Where to go? There wasn't another place I felt like myself. 

After I got scolded, I went to Kageyama since we should train together. There was this training camp that was due by tomorrow and not only would we see Fukurodani but also Nekoma and another 2 schools which I forgot. We kinda just got our place there because of the last game we pulled up. It was me and Kageyama who saved us. I really felt like being useful in this game for the very first time in my life. I couldn't help it but treasure the feeling but when they put me on the bench... it all will start to crumble.

I will try harder!

I can't be kicked out!

I promise, I will work harder!

The morning training went on and as the day profressed, the small scratche I had on my knee started to numb and the pain went away. Though I was more getting used to it than anything else.