Wingless Crow (Suicidal Hinata)

A matter of time

I was really getting sick of sitting in class. It felt as if I was being ridiculoud by all these numbers in math. Literally felt sick because of this. I mean it wasn't as if I was good with anything at all in particular or anything like that. Actually I reallz felt sick and useless seing all the things around me. Like I wasn't good at baically anything besides volleyball. 

I wonder when the day will be over.

This is ealz just ueless.

Why am I even sitting here at all?

Not as if I could actually do something more productive....

Yeah... as if...

What am I even supposed to do at all?

I can't go home since they will have my head for returning home early.... Can't fake being ill even tho I feel like it...

I just want to play volleyball all day...

As I was staring out of the window, I didn't realized how the day quickly started to end and training was about to be after a small break. It was only after Kageyama came to me and basically slapped the back of my head for really spacing out.

Kageyama: BOKE! HINATA BOKE! Now get moving you slowpoke!

Me: Aye!

Today was really not my day. However I really wanted to go to the training session. I just felt alive for once when I was on the court and having the ball hit my hand or hitting it, even receiving it made me soo happy. The only problem was that I really didn't show them what I was really able to do in fear of them calling me something like a demon or a king like Kageyama. Of course I knew his history with the lonely King of the Court. Then again, I could be a beast on the court if I ever decided to actually go full on out. I mean everyone had their own roles and I wanted to stick with mine and not take over any other one.

Kageyama: Come on!

Me: Yeah yeah! Just go, I'll be there in a few.

Kageyama: TSK!

I heard the klicking of his tongue and couldn't help it. Once again it was my fault and I did annoy a person right there. Tho all he wanted to do was tell me to stoop spacing out. Oh how I knew that I was just uterlly useless and a lost cause too.

I wonder why he did that...

I know he can't like me...

Am I actually bothering the team or even stop them from being better?

Oh gosh!

That must be it....

I better hurry to the-

Me: Autch!

Without a second thought, the moment Kageyama dissapeared, I wanted to stand up and run after him, however my knee started to hurt me a bit more. This was really a bad timing. Still I had to go to training and that was what I did but I gritted my teeth and ignored the pain as I went there.

Once I arrived I was immediately met with Daichi who once again scolded me for being late. I was really sorry but the pain was actually getting worse. Then there was our coach who sat there and told us to do a small game. I mean we did.. but the thing was when I jumped up, the salty Dino Tsuki blocked me but not only that but when I landed, I felt him make me trip, so I fell and pulled the whole net with me.

Me: ... I am sorry. I am sorry.

Before I knew what was happening, I tried to get out while repeating the same words over and over again. 

I didn't mean to do that.

I am really sorry.

Coach: It can happen.

Sugawara: Are you okay?

Me: Yeah...

Nishinoya: Doesn't look like it.

Me: I am fine.

Coach: Hinata, no matter how much you want to play, you are bleeding. Sit on the bench and rest.

NOOO!

Please!

Don't put me on the bench!

Please!

All but this!

I can play!

I still have my worth!

Please!

Me: Bu-

Daichi: Sit it out.

Me: I-

Tsukishima: What a nuisance, can't even listen. Don't you see that you are only bothering the rest of the team?

Me: I.. I understand.

I hated it but I went to the bench where I put down the protectors we all had on our knees. After the coach saw the wound, he had Yachi help me to the infirmary room. I really hated it and I felt soo hurt, I couldn't describe it even if I wanted it. The closest was saying I lost a piece of myself. It felt horrible and I felt this suffoacting air around me. I was useless and a bother that was now definitelly the case. I was afraid of losing my worth and get put on the bench but now that it actually happened, I felt like giving up everything. This was too much for me. I couldn't stand it. The only thing I loved doing and that made me feel alive was gone... it was only a question of time how long I would last.... this was just a mater of time..... a mater of time.....