a strange winter night

A strange winter nigh

The snow falls on the cold, hard ground. The stars shine down on a dreary winter nightscape. A million tiny lights shining down, some are bright some are dim. They all seem to be trying to heal the sad and lonely, the ones that the world seems to have forgotten or given up on. As time moves on the night gets colder and the stars seem to try to shine a bit brighter in hopes of illuminating this cold winter landscape just a little bit more.
As the night goes on the world seems silent, still and dead. Yet still life shows it shy head. A lone bird or squirrel runs across the ground. out upon its lawful occasion. As a world wrapped in darkness, stillness and cold lies asleep waiting for spring to come again or at least the sun to rise and signal the start of another day. The wind blows cold across a single lone figure standing in the cold.
This lone figure stares up at the heavens and wonders who she is and what she Is meant to do. She looks up to the heavens searching for answers, yet none come. As she shakes her head and stares up marveling at the beauty of this seemingly dead landscape the wind blows against her causing her to shiver. She smiles sadly knowing that she should head inside soon.
She looks around at the nightscape and houses with Christmas light decorating their imposing facades. She sees the colors but for some reason the colors just intensify her inner turmoil and chaos. She stands alone outside a house that is clearly hers or her family’s but doesn’t go in despite the freezing cold.
Why then does this lady stand outside in the cold when there is a warm house right behind her? What has caused her emotions and thoughts to be so chaotic? She doesn’t know the answer nor will she for she is just a shadow, a person who seems to exist outside of time. She is there but at the same time she is not. She is alive but seemingly frozen in time.
The leader of the stars notices her and tries to shine a bit brighter in hopes of cheering this strange yet tumultuous young woman up or at least soothing her frazzled emotions. She notices and smiles slightly. Sighing she says to the stars “thank you my friends. Your light is very soothing. You have helped me calm down.” 
She smiles at the night sky marveling yet again at is beauty and serenity. As she smiles, she feels her problems fade away to the back of her mind for now. “thanks again my friends.” She shivers as the cold wind blows urging her to go inside and complies with what nature seems to want her to do.
As she heads in time seems to start moving for her again. Though she is a young woman if one was to look into her eyes, they would see that she has a very old soul. A soul that seems to have seen many things and experienced even more. Should one look deep into her soul they would see many scars some healed some still raw with pain and hurt. They would see a young woman that resides in her own time yet at the same time exists outside herself and time though she knows not why.
The young woman enters the house of her family and says good night to her family, but she cannot sleep. She sits in darkness her thoughts and emotions swirling inside her heart and mind. As they swirl around the young lady realizes that she is getting lost inside her own chaotic heart, mind and soul. She longs to be able to let her emotions work themselves out, but it seems impossible for her. Even though she is 30 her mind is fighting to be her chronological age, but her heart remains young and fragile.
At last, her heart and mind seem to come to an agreement she realizes she is quietly crying. She also realizes another thing. She is startled to see that she is no longer where she was instead, she is floating above the house and is once again bathed in the light of the stars.  As she looks down the landscape seems to blur and spin once it has stopped she notices that she is above a different house yet this house seems familiar too. As she floats down she realizes that she is almost spirit like as she notices that even though the Christmas lights are shining they seem to shine right through her. She becomes scared but then she notices a young girl child standing in the night much like she had been earlier that night. She tries to calm down trying to figure out what is happening. As she studies the young girl child she realizes that this child is her when she was younger. “have I gone back in time? Or is this just a dream?” she wonders to herself. As she glides over to the child she realizes that this girl can see her and looks frightened. “it is okay. I’m not going to hurt you” she says as she comes to a halt next to the younger her. “I’m just confused and trying to figure out what is happening.”
“that makes two of us” the younger her says her fear slowly fading be replaced with curiosity. “who are you, and why are you glowing?” the younger her asks.
“this may sound strange, but I am you when you are older. As to why I’m glowing, I have no clue. A little while ago I was sitting on my bed crying while my heart and mind were arguing about what they wanted. The next thing I know I am floating above my self then the world started spinning and I ended up here.” She explained to her younger self. Looking into the young girls eyes she realizes that this version of her was struggling as well with similar problems.
“what is wrong? Why are you upset?” she asks sitting next to her younger self.
“I am so confused.” The younger her replied. “I just found out that I cannot see my birth mother anymore because she gave up her rights to me and my older sister. I feel so hurt and betrayed. I thought she loved me. If she loved me why did she give me up? Why? Also, everyone tells me that my mother is a bad person and that she abused me, but she didn’t.” the younger her was crying outright now.
She took the younger her in her arms wondering briefly why she was able to do that when she was a glowing spirit. “your mother loves you very much. She would never have willingly given you and your sister up. But she was threatened that if she didn’t give up her parental right to the two of you, she would lose your other siblings as well. So, in order to keep at least some of her children she gave up her parental rights to you and your sister.” The older girl said to her younger self.
The older girl continued “as for people telling you that your mother abused you when she didn’t, they believe what your true abuser is saying. Also, your aunts sided with this man. By the way the person who was abusing you is not actually your father. Also, it is very important to remember not to believe everything you are told. People usually have their own agenda. I’m not sure I should be telling you this since I am from the future but when you turn 21 you start talking to your birth family again. As you begin talking with them you learn the truth and become close to them again. I’m not sure if that is comforting or not.” The older girl finishes still holding her younger self in her lap.
She starts to feel a pull realizing that she was being called back to her time she says to her younger self, “my time with you is up but before I go remember this despite what you feel or think sometimes you are loved. And your biological mother and father love you. This whole mess is not your fault. You are not abandoned. Remember that you are a wonderful girl and you have many choices in life and you can choose what to do with your life.” She sets her younger self on the steps giving her a kiss on the forehead. As she floats back up to the sky, she says “remember you are not alone it is okay to hurt, and cry but also it is important to know that asking for help is okay.” With that she feels the world start to spin and the landscape pass by like a movie film until it stopped. She looked around and noticed that she was back where she started, she saw herself crying then the next thing she knew she was back in her body feeling her brother hugging her as she cried. “it is okay Mama Yuki, You are okay.” He says hugging her using the nickname he has for her.
“thank you Z I needed that.” She says hugging her brother back. Her tears slow down then stop as she realizes that she is ok. Before she falls asleep, she wonders what the heck just happened to her. Shrugging she decides to think about it later. As they lay down her brother gives her hug handing her the stuffie she brought down with her then they fall asleep. Her last though before sleep takes her was, I think I need to read up about psychic abilities and astral projection.