In Spite Of...

Chapter 1

"Morality and meaning are two separate issues. We create meaning in our lives, and we can create that meaning even if we act immorally. A generally immoral person can certainly find many things they do as meaningful, as can the people whom they interact with--especially those who they treat well and help."
Blair stared at the words on her screen blankly. The word 'immoral' had crossed her weary mind. She couldn't help wondering what it meant to have no morals. She wonered if that's what she was.
For so long she'd lived having to follow rules. Having to wake up to live when she didn't want to. It wasn't as if she wanted to die but rather simply not exist.
It had always been this way or at least felt this way for a while.
She was sitting on the floor in her tiny apartment. Today was a Saturday, one of many days sacrificed to coursework.
Her 8:00 alarm went off signaling the single class she had for today. Blair was a philosophy major. She'd taken up the required classes hoping to learn about things like existentialism and other philosophical teachings. It hadn't occurred to her that there was much more to it.
With a groan Blair moved about the room getting ready. It had grown cooler out now that October had rolled around. More pumpkin spice drinks and pumpkins for the season.
She decided to stop by a local coffee shop to order a drink. It was more for the nostalgia than the overly sweet and spicy taste of the drink. That and the cute barista at the front counter.
And as she got to her college's big campus the drink got colder. She dumped it and went inside. Many students were walking about while others chatted idly. Blair spotted a few people she usually associated with and went into the classroom.
"Blair!" Michelle squeled. Her blonde ponytail swished in the air as she bounded for Blair. Her pink jumpsuit made her want to puke.
"I hate waking up in the mornings." Halle yawned. She pulled her beanie further down to cover her eyes.
The three sat in the very front. Michelle chatted about her pet Chihuahua, Chai, and his obsession with her socks. Blair and Halle listened with disinterest.
The class quieted down as a man entered the room. He was dressed in a very neat striped suit. Hair slicked back and features polished. He was the most well dressed person in the room with a pristine glow about him.
Blair squinted at him, then her eyes widened.
This man had the same kind eyes as the thirteen year old boy she'd befriended years ago.
Clark Markey.
His eyes met hers instantly and she shrunk back in her seat. Her friends were quick to notice when Clark smiled her way. Blair avoided his gaze and remained silent when he got into the lecture.
At the end she was out the door before anyone else.
She hurried down the hallway as fast as she could trying not to get caught up with.
Her past was something blotted out. Like a mass of white out over a bad mistake on an assignment. And Clark was under that lumpy mass of white goo.
She just wondered how he'd managed to crawl out from under it.