⁠☞ narry one-shots

✎penny for your thoughts?

tw: revolves around mental health struggles and suicidal thoughts.

a/n : this one's a bit more vulnerable, reflecting and definitely heavy. If you are not comfortable or triggered feel free to skip this chapter.

(Of course as vulnerable you can get with my shitty writing skills)

(I started editing this halfway and then gave up. Maybe once I reach a certain chapter I will go on a edit spree?)

Niall pov:

I hate lockdown. I hate it so much.

I hate it more than Simon Cowell. I hate it more than empty fridges. I hate it, just hate it!

My mind battled with demons often. Especially when it was left on its own, with nothing to do. When I was on the road and touring, the demons visited extremely rarely, mostly when I was too overwhelmed.

But now.

Now, in this fucking stupid lockdown, these 'plagues' have become frequent flyers. Always springing up randomly when I was strumming on my guitar or hosting a live stream for all my fans.

When the demons decided to attack, I had to put everything to a halt and just lie down.

Just lie down, praying that I have the strength to fend them off quickly once again. I sometimes write down the whispers they feed into my head, in hopes I will be able to discover 'their plan'.

Or that's what I thought I was doing.

In reality I documented the battles to make sure I wasn't losing my mind.

To stay grounded and in touch with the rest of my body. Not letting my mind consume me.

So there I lay, limp like a ragdoll, on my bed, waiting for the demons to arrive.

Usually I could tell when there was going to be a fight because my mind would become calm and silent, void of any thoughts.

And then the demons pounced.

I whimpered slightly at the overwhealming head rush.

They were back.

"You don't deserve to live."

I had my phone ready and quickly clicked on my 'thoughts notes' which was already filled with hundred of little 'messages'.

However this 'thoughts notes' I clicked on didn't have the past writing. It was totally empty. I must have accidentally clicked a new note. It doesn't matter.

I shrug it off, trying to put all my focus on today's war.

"If everyone is leaving why should we stay?"

My demons sometimes spoke as if I was part of them, like my entity and theirs were just all collectively merged together. It made me angry. So angry.

But I just continue to listen, my fingers pattering across the screen.

My stupid old self would have argue back by now.

"Harry loves me. My family loves me!" I would snap.

But their comebacks were sharp and cut deep, always making me feel worse by slashing it exactly where it hurts.

I've learnt from my mistakes though, and just wait, enduring the blows, until they get tired and come back tomorrow.

"No one loves you, you should just kill your self already."

Maybe I will.

I quickly snap out of it. My mind throbbing. I had never actually succumbed to one of their threats.