The Night flower & Her Moon - Journey of Beginnings

Expectations and the Change

29 MARCH

History and geography had killed my head for real. I had a bad headache. So, took a painkiller and a good break from both of them. I spent flat 3 hours on YouTube watching a Turkish drama that I found randomly on my screen. But it was good until the scheming thing happened too much to ruin my interest and I came back to IG. I replied to some DMs.

I talk to a few people. You may call them strangers but I take them as good knowns. I find myself calm and comfortable around them. They don't judge me like people around me. They don't eye-curse me for my choices of life. Two of them are a gay couple from Japan. But, not Japanese. One is South Korean and another is Chinese. They are both lovely people. I have known them for more than two years now. And I know about them quite well. They have been together since childhood. The younger one has suffered a lot of hatred, physical abuse from his family especially his Dad because of his choice of life. He has told me many times how his father still abuses on phone and blackmails him for getting his hard-earned money. What a shameless person he is!! And his mother who never stood for him, now she uses him emotionally too. Why it is so hard for some families to see their kids living happily??

Luckily the elder one has an understanding family and they love both of them equally. They were the ones to take care of the younger one when he had his risky heart transplant. They support them in each step of life. But still, sometimes he misses his family. He has told how his dad beat him up many times and left their early teenage son on his own after knowing the stubbornness of his preferences. It's good that he got lucky to have a best friend as a life partner and in-laws more like parents. Now, he is studying medicine but still acts like a kid most of the time even after being a parent of a kid. Yes!!! they adopted a kid 2 years ago. The elder one is more sensible and responsible. Poor guy! He has to take care of two kids. But he is raising both of them amazingly.

They fight often but makeup beautifully too. (Guess the one who always put efforts in making up) Elder one doesn't like social media much but he stays on each platform to look after his social media crazy life partner's actions. Monitoring!!!

After chatting, searching and scrolling down on some profiles, I found something interesting. ANDRE's new post!!! The post looked simple. But his caption held a lot in it............. Again!!!!

👨‍💻"Less expectations = less frustration = less complaining = less sadness = less anxiety = more joy and happiness in the present

It's a choice and it's a practice "

It hit me straight.

💭"Is it that simple?? Are those just my expectations that are hurting me since the beginning?? Am I, myself the reason for my pains?? Am I the one who is ruining my present because of my past??? Choice!!!!!!!......Have I chosen the pain over peace by myself????"

My head was full of those complicated questions. And the pain became worse. The whole night passed with those unanswered questions. I couldn't take it anymore so I took a stronger painkiller and closed my eyes. For a few hours. I didn't want to think more ............. not that night anymore.

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The next day, I woke up late and I needed a really strong coffee first. Even after 2 painkillers, the headache survived!!! A stubborn thing!! I tried to study later but all my senses were busy with ANDRE's last caption and the questions started to float all around me again.

💭"Is he right?? Am I the solemn reason for my sufferings??? Are my expectations responsible for my downfalls??? But I don't expect anything from those people???.........................Or do I???? Could it be possible???"