The Light of Midnight (BxB)

Chapter 20

It happened exactly twelve years ago. I am no longer with Pierre because I left him right after that day, the day we fully committed to each other. Up until now, the memory still lingers me because of how everything is vivid in my mind. I miss him. I miss the only person I love. 

"Hey, babe." Victoria said the moment she saw me enter the bar. 

"Stop it, Victoria! How many times do I have tell you that I am not interested?" Ani ko sa kaniya. I met her couple months ago here in the same bar. We talk and that's the only thing I want to give her, pero hindi niya matanggap ang bagay na 'yon kaya pagpupumilit ang lagi niyang ginagawa sa'kin.

"The more you resist the more I want to get you, River." Then she bit her lower lip and touch my arm like it affects me at all. 

"Calm your tits, Victoria! River said no so, shut the fuck up!" Thank you Diego, my half-Filipino friend that I met.

"Whoah!" Mauricio, my other friend, shouted like he doesn't believe that Diego will say it to Victoria's face. 

"Fuck you!" Victoria said before storming out of our way. 

My life has always been like this the moment I arrived in Madrid. Partying has always been my escape since I was a teenager and up until now that I am on my thirty which I am celebrating right now. I am not drinking anymore because of some shit that had happened in my health. I am just enjoying myself with some snacks and water. 

"Happy birthday, Sir." Sabi ng empleyado ko. Nandito lahat sila ngayon at hinayaan ko silang bigyan ng araw para magsaya dahil masyado na rin naman kaming bugbog sa trabaho nang mga nakaraang araw.

I said thank you to all of their greetings and let them enjoy the rest of the night before I head back to my home tomorrow. 

"Hindi ko aakalain na uuwi ka muli pagkatapos ng ilang taon." Si Mauricio. 

"I should have done this long time ago, Mau. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hinayaan ko ang sarili kong pigilin ng takot." 

"Because you are dying, fucker!" Si Diego. 

"You have a point." Then we both laugh. 

Tinuloy namin ang party hanggang sa magsawa kaming lahat at umagahin mula sa pagsasaya. I handed Diego and Mau the travel agency that I built by myself for the past years. I don't have any plans on going back here because I want to spend the rest of my days with my home that's why I gave everything to them. Alam kong hindi rin naman ako magsisisi dahil sila ang nakasama ko sa buhay simula nang lumipat kami rito. 

"Stay safe, bro. We'll visit you soon, okay?" Si Diego bago ako ito tuluyang bumaba ng sasakyan niya dahil nasa tapat na ako ng condo ko.


Nagpahinga lang ako nang maghapon na iyon at tumulak na sa bahay nila Mommy't Daddy para sabay sabay kami na umalis.

"Are you sure you don't want to do the treatment here?" Mommy asked the moment I enter their house. 

Tango ang ibinigay ko rito bago kami sabay sabay na tumulak sa airport at sumakay na ng eroplano pabalik ng Pilipinas. 

As I am looking over the window and saw the thousands of light below, I can't help myself, but to remember everything that I left including the only person I love my whole life



 "I called you a lot of times, but you did not even give a shit about it." Bungad ni Daddy nang makapasok ako sa dorm dahil sa kanina pa pala ito naghihintay. "Pati ang mga kaibigan mo ay hindi ka macontact." 

"My phone is on silent, Daddy. Why are you here?"

"We have an emergency, we need to fly as soon as possible. Our life is at stake!" 

"W-why?" Confusion is on my face because I cannot understand shit right now. Before my heart is so full, but now I don't know what I should feel knowing about this information. 

"We had a deal with a Senator before and we can't comply to their demands that's why we broke it. Now, he's going after us. We have to go now, you're Mom's in the airport already." 

"But..." I stopped and just think of Pierre. "Can I say goodbye just for a while? Thirty minutes, Dad." 

"No! We have to go now and turn off your cellphone. They might use it to locate us." 

"Fifteen, Dad... Five. Please?" 

"Make it fast."

Lumabas ako ng dorm at doon ko tinawagan si Pierre at sa maigising oras ng paghihintay ay wala na akong naisip pa kung hindi kung papaano ko na naman siya iiwanan. Compare to what I chose before, this one is something that I will always sure of and with this choice, I know that I will regret this my whole life. 

Bago ako tuluyang makapasok sa pabalik ng dorm ay agad na tumunog ang telepono ko at doon rumehistro ang panglan ni Pierre. I immediately answer the call and to my surprise I heard him crying on the other line. 

"Sorry that it took me too long to answer the phone, River." 

"What's happening, Pierre. Are you okay?" 

"Daddy was involved in an accident going to his office and I don't know what to do, River. Please come here." 

I was on silent when he said that. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong gawin, I thought I am already sure on what's my decision is, but when I heard him helpless, my mind came confused. The only thing I know is that I want to be there for him. 

Susubukan ko na sanang tumakbo paalis ng bahay at hayaan na sila Daddy para lang sa kaonting pagkakataon ay nasa tabi man lang ako ni Pierre, pero hindi ko pa man naihahakbang ang paa ko nang lumabas ng pintuan si Daddy. Kinuha niya ang telepono ko at ibinato iyon sa dingding ng kaharap kong unit. 

"For a thousand times, River! I told you to stop seeing that guy. Kahit kailan ay hindi ka marunong makinig." Then he grabbed me with his right hand while the other one is holding the suitcase. "You are coming with us sa ayaw at sa gusto mo. Wala nang silbi kung pupuntahan mo pa siya dahil kami ang pamilya mo at kami ang dapat mong piliin." 

Wala na akong nagawa pa dahil una palang ay sila naman talaga ang pipiliin ko. Ang gusto ko lang gawin ay ang magpaalam kay Pierre dahil sa muling pagkakataon ay iiwanan ko na naman muli siya.

Pero ngayon ay wala nang paalam at walang kasiguraduhan kung mabibigyan pa ba muli kami ng pagkakataon na dalawa. 

In years that I am in Madrid, I had no other choice, but to rebuild it all again along with my parents. Bumagsak ang lahat ng negosyo namin sa Pilipinas dahil sa hindi ito tinutukan at hinayaan nalang na magsara dahil sa hindi na ito namanage nila Daddy dahil sa takot para sa aming buhay. Ang mga naipon namin ay naging sapat lang para sa dalawang taon kaya ang kinailangan ko na magtrabaho habang itinutuloy ang bagong kurso na sinimulan ko rito. Ito ang mas kaya ng schedule ko kaya wala akong ibang pagpipilian kung hindi ang simulan ang kursong hindi ko naman gusto. Sa trabaho ko nakilala si Mauricio at Diego at sila ang naging kasama ko sa buhay na mayroon ako rito.

Nawala ang lahat ng nakasanayan ko noong nasa Pilipinas ako at tuluyan na itong napalitan ng mga bagay na dapat ko nang makasanayan sa mga susunod na taon. Ang buhay namin ay nagpatuloy sa ganoong paraan nang ilang taon. Natigil lang ito nang mabalitaan namin na nahuli na ang Senador sa kaniyang mga maling pamamalakad at panggigipit sa mga tao, kaya nagkaroon na muli kami ng lakas ng loob na sumubok ulit ng panibagong buhay dito sa Espanya. Doon na muling lumawak ang mga koneksiyon na mayroon kami at nagkaroon ng trabaho si Daddy. Kung noon ay iwas kami sa tao dahil sa mga posibleng mangyari sa buhay namin ngayon ay para kaming sabay-sabay na nabunutan ng tinik dahil nakaalis na kami sa sitwasyon na hindi namin ginusto. At dahil doon ay kahit papaano ay konti-konti nang bumabalik ang buhay namin noon hanggang sa nakatapos na ako ng kolehiyo at makapagsimula ng trabaho.

With all the knowledge that I've learned in my course, Business Administration, and with my parent's guide, I built a travel agency that will help us go back to the way we live back then. Daddy quit his job and help me develop the business. He became my partner and we build the relationship that we never had in the Philippines. And Mommy, she regained herself. She's now having a good time with all the locals here and eventually, my parent's relationship became better than it was before. 

Maybe I regain something with this hardship, but the emptiness within me still cannot be fulfill. There's something I am still yearning for. The familiarity of the person who I left for twelve years. The feeling of being home. 

But shit always happens and I was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. I only have more than a year to live and I want to spend all of it with my home. Bahala na. Even though I am doing my best to fight and treat the cancer I will want to feel alive in all of my remaining days. No worries, no regrets, just me living and giving myself a hope that I lost when I moved here. 

Kumusta na kaya siya? I guess hindi ko masasagot ang sarili kong tanong dahil hindi ko naman sinibukan na muli pa siyang kausapin kahit nagkaroon na ako ng pagkakataon. But I hope that he's happy now. I hope that he always choose his peace of mind rather than things that don't matter.

You are the first person I want to see when I come home, Pierre. Gago man ako at makapal ang mukha dahil sa paghahangad nito, hindi na dahilan iyon para hindi ka piliin muli. Sana ay pumayag ka sa kung ano ang gagawin ko. Sana ay piliin mo pa rin ako, na makatabi ako dahil gusto ko na sa araw na bumabawas sa'kin ay ikaw ang kasama ko.

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Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional so I don't have any proper knowledge regarding the Acute Myeloid Leukemia. I will only state and include what I understood based on the information that I gathered and some of it might not be followed. I'll only choose what's best for our story.   

P.S Next chapter will be Pierre's point of view. Updates will be uncertain for now. 

Thank you and Happy New Year! (just in case I won't be able to update before ending the year. Won't be around for a while because of holiday stuff hehe). Take care!