some letters

To Alyana/2015

Dear Alyana,

you have beautiful eyes and an intelligent mind. You got a kind heart that gives people a chance to see beauty and only a few friends can go deeper into that. I used to be one of those friends. I love you sassiness as it was always so funny but nowadays that sassiness is directed towards me in a bitch way. I hate how i feel and i am so sick of it. Though some where in my heart i always will care for you but i can't continue with you being like this. you treat me different and not in a good way, you hurt me and i don't know if you know. i cant ever be myself without hearing your venom to tell me to stop. i always try to gossip because it's the only way to get you to listen to me, whispering in your ears is the only way to get you to notice me.

i hate talking behinds people back and everytime i argue, you'd have a knife at my back.

i still get these urges to talk to you like we used too. it just reminds how i missed you back then. heartbreak comes in many ways and im heartbroken. i dont even know what happend but we were a switch and it annoyed the shit out of me. you gave me more mixed signals than a school crush. over the years i understood you but this year tore me. i may had happiness for a short while but in the next few years we will just be nobodies to each other. but i'd still remember. i hope you become the better than right now.i won't get to see much of that but its okay. some where in the past you'll always be my best friend, always.

im sorry for what i have done to you over the past few years, im sorry i somewhat hurt you and you would say you wouldn't care because i took enough courage to tell you that and it's just damn reminder that you never cared for me. i'm just sorry for many things but this is just a closure letter. it's not done yet until you forgive me but as well apologize until im free. i can't be that girl anymore, i'm scared of people like you who would stomp all over me. im scared. im sorry and im sad.

maybe one day.

sincerely, Hannah

_____

update: we're friends again but not super close, i'm thankful for what we have and i like her very much now./2016

xxhannah