Identity [H.S.]

PROLOGUE

-

I think I might be insane.

Sitting on my bed in the darkness of my room, scribbling my jumbled thoughts in a notebook, I have grown accustomed to the thought. The constant thump of my foot and the infinite crumbled pieces of paper were evidence, and I couldn't bear anyone to see my current state of mind. My thoughts were going a hundred miles per hour and my body was shaking. I bit back the sobs and continuously shook my head.

I was stuck on who I was and who I wanted to be, and it was driving me mad.

You should of known, my conscious spoke. Never could this be possible. I pulled on the ends of my hair and clutched my knees.

"You're wrong" I called out, "This is real."

No, it's not.

"Yes it is!"

I got up from the bed and chucked the notebook across the room. I sighed and ran my hands across my face.

None of the formulas worked. I spent hours punching in, writing, calculating, re-calculating, thinking, and nothing seemed to work. There wasn't an answer to this universe, and I was extremely afraid.

When my mother first saw me talking to the chair in my room, she knew something was wrong with me.

At first I covered it up saying how I was talking to Margo on the phone or reciting lines from a book, but it was her final straw when I was "Acting like a total lunatic. Seventeen year old girls weren't supposed to do this." She failed to realize that I wasn't talking to myself; I was talking to him.

Life before the impossible was dull, gray, and boring. I was a nerd whose hobbies consisted of memorizing scientific formulas and pondering over the real meaning of life.

Life after the impossible however, was beautiful, magical, and electromagnetic. I was shown things that I was told never existed as a child and I was happy. He made me happy. But only did he forget to tell me that emptiness hurts a hell of a lot harder than described in books.

Or did he really exist? Was I making this up as I was told?

I pinched the bridge of my nose and took deep breaths. The medication my mother gave me, or forced on me, was supposedly going to cure me. So far I have felt nothing out of the ordinary besides pain, pain, and more pain.

I walked over to the window, pulling open the blinds. Light blinded my eyes, and I squinted to attempt to see clearly again.

I glanced out, grimacing over the cloudy sky and the falling rain. England had its perks, but the weather definitely wasn't one of them.

When my mother and I moved here from Nevada a year ago, I was expecting nothing out of the ordinary. Technically I would be in a new environment and all, but inside, I thought that I would still remain the same person.

Boy, was I wrong.

My thoughts were cut off when I thought I saw the familiar head of curls in the reflection, and I quickly turned around. I saw nothing and I muttered to myself. He was gone.

I stood in place and closed my eyes. I felt my chest move up and down rapidly, and I forced myself to calm down. If I honestly wanted to resolve this plain and simple, I needed to make one last effort.

"If you're really here, make yourself known."

Silence.

I bit my lip and repeated the phrase, only to be engulfed in silence once again. This was my last chance.

"If you're really he-"

"Alice!" My mother opened the door into my room and broke me from my trance. She eyed me curiously.

My hands began to shake once again and I hid them behind my back. "Yeah?"

"Help set up dinner." She walked out the door before giving me a look, and I whispered a silent prayer.

I followed my mother out the door and wiped my eyes, hiding any sort of emotion. I was biting my lip so hard I was sure that it drew blood, but I didn't care. My main concern was the the battle going on inside my head between the definition of reality and the constant thought of insanity.

I walked through the corridor, my mother already downstairs, and brushed past the mirror. I looked at it through the corner of my eye, secretly hoping to see the main cause of my problems, but there was nothing. I was once again fooled.

I sighed and grasped hold of the staircase and began to walk downstairs. I was just about to reach the kitchen, but I couldn't stop myself from hearing the faint voice. I shuddered.

"I'm here."

-

AN: Hello, I'm the author of this fanfiction! I'm so happy to share my writing and perhaps my life with you, so please bear with me on the way. I can assure you that my writing will be much better when I start to introduce a certain character... ;) (Guess who?) I'm very passionate about this story line, and I'm very very excited to put my imagination to life. I have big things coming. Don't give up on me just yet. Thank you so much for reading. It means the world.