I emptied my hands,
threw away everything left in me.
I drew a line, turned back.
10 steps backwards—
not knowing that every step would hurt this much,
as if burying me alive.
I hate the way I lived,
how I appear to be.
A bright light which means nothing more than a deceptive lie.
A facade.
All that,
all that just so they would like me.
All that,
all that just so they could see me.
But after all that,
I am still empty.
Then you showed up,
appearing before my eyes was your loving gaze.
I wasn't prepared,
I wasn't sure about what to feel or what to do.
So I ended up doing the only thing I'm good at.
I let go.
I was never good at handling beautiful things,
I know I'll just shatter them once I hold them longer than necessary.
So, once again,
I emptied my hands.
And you don't have to know,
how loud the voices inside my head were when I tried to keep you.
You no longer need to see,
the way I cried myself to sleep because I'm missing you,
and your stare, and your sensibility.
I miss you, so bad that I couldn't sleep,
but you should never come back to me,
even if I want to or asked you to.
You should stop being so forgiving,
the way I wanted you to stop loving me.
I am a shriek of storm no one can tame.
Waves of the raging black sea.
You'll get hurt, I'll only hurt you.
You'll get hurt so you should step back.
10 or maybe 15 steps backwards,
even if it's hurting you so much,
please...just keep moving your feet.
Walk away,
Run away,
I'll help you to.
I never meant to hurt you.
Truth is, I wanted to make you my home.
But I guess someone made of whirlwinds and storms is not meant to be sheltered.
I miss you,
but you don't have to be here.
You were once the home that I wanted,
then I shattered you,
and now you've become a home that I can never return to.
But it's fine,
I was always empty.
—i emptied my hands
