Second Life? Nah, Die Is Good Too.

Chapter 5 : Am I Dead??

Hugging him as I softly whisper,

"it's okay...

everything will be fine...

it's not your fault.."

Kyle thus continued crying in my embrace. His tears didn't stop soaking my shoulder 

and we have to stay in this position for quite a long time until he calms down.

*************

Later on,

"did you feel better now??"

snort*

I ask him as I wipe his tears and make him blow his snot on my handkerchief.

He then takes it from my hand, sniffing before staring at me with still gloomy eyes.

"did hyung really didn't jumped off because of me?"

"the one who jumped is me, so I know better...

not some maids who tell such false lies."

"But sir doctor says hyung doesn't remember anything!!!

so how could hyung remember this!!!"

'haa shit... my stupid lie.'

I massage my head slowly to my little brother's retort.

'he's just a six-year-old kid...

how can he speak so well and understand so much!!!!'

Although I know that I should feel happy that such a kid is my little brother. But in this situation, it's not helping at all. It just adds to the problem.

'haa... how can i calm him now.'

I glance at him slightly. My mind is in a mess on how to fix this situation, but the boy who stared at me right now looks so innocent, and don't even know what kind of damage his question had caused me inside.

'really... what a troublesome little brother i had.'

I shook my head to hide my trouble. 

'let's just coax him for now.'

I have decided to just use him for good before then proceed to hold his shoulders softly.

"kyle."

"hyung..."

"This is a secret between us.."

"secret??"

"yes... in honesty.. hyung...remember everything."

my little brother's eyes widen at my confession. I ignore it and keep going,

"but because i don't want our family to worry much... I decide to hide it."

"...hyung..then... why would you tell me this??"

"Kyle... you're my little brother... I may not be your good older brother but... I don't want you to think that everything that happen was your fault.

"but why???"

"cause I love you, Kyle."

With that words, kyle's little body froze. His eyes shook and I didn't waste on that moment, and quickly pull him into a hug again.

And I say,

"even if I never show you my feeling... i love you, Kyle.

You will always be my one and only little brother."

And these words that i say to him, it's never been a lie that i spouting just to get out of this problem.

Because in honesty, this is one of the feelings that the real Alex had for his little brother.

'It's true when he says he dislikes Kyle...

However, it's also true that he loves him.'

Between siblings, love and hate would never cease to exist. And that also applies to Alex towards Kyle.

Although he always spouting nonsense like he doesn't like him and ignores him.

In secret, his eyes will sometimes look at his little brother with a loving look. Thinking something like,

'how can my little brother be so cute

and the next moment he will beat himself saying,

'what kind of bullshit I'm saying!!?? just which part of him is cute.'

like a tsundere, he will admit and then denies his love at the next moment.

And that's Alex in my mind.

'though...yeah... he hates him most of the time...'

yet, he will always put others in their places if they ever bother his little brother.

'it can be said that his love for Kyle is a tough one.'

'what a hopeless bastard...'

With how he acts, it's troublesome and makes everyone wonder about what he wants.

'Really... I just don't get it.

if you want to love Kyle just love...

why would you act like a bastard!!

stupid...'

i really want to give this Kyle's second older brother some punch in the face, yet I can't as that was me now.

Even so, in my head, this guy had already been beaten by me hundreds of times already.

"so Kyle, trust me please... and stop blaming yourself."

Kyle returned my hug with a stronger hug. Although there were tears in his eyes that wanted to fall. He held it as hard as he could as he answered me in a sobbing voice.

"Okay, I'll trust you, hy-hyung."

So just like that, we keep this all secret from our family members. And since that day, our relationship improved.

Kyle always comes and visits me in the morning and before going to bed.

We talk about a lot of things and played together inside my room. We didn't go outside although Kyle beg me many times, I always refuse.

I don't have any courage yet to go outside and face the world. Or to be exact, I can't face my other family members yet.

Three of them sometimes visit my room. We talk about trivial things. My brother tells the story about his school life and friend while my mother tells about her day. My father often visits just to ask about my day. He doesn't talk much with me as he seems like a man with few words.

But lately, they all seem busy with something so, I can't seem to see them often anymore.

It actually made me feel glad when this happen, but, I try my best to hide those feeling from them. as I don't want them to feel upset about it.

'because they did apologize to me for not visiting me often.'

So if I tell them that I'm happy to not meet them instead.

'I think, it will hurt them badly.'

however, apart from all that, there is something else that I hide from my family.

Some time after I make up with Kyle, every night, as soon as my brother Kyle returned to his room, there would be time when the guard guarding the door to my room would go out to patrol the area near my bedroom.

I noted how long they were gone and around what time they left. As soon as I was sure of all that, right at that moment, I would come out of my room and walk around this mansion.

At first, I didn't aim for anything while doing that. I just want to walk around without anyone's supervision.

but lately, precisely after I found the tower where I attempted suicide, my intentions began to change. And so,

'there's something I need to find out...'

With that thought in my mind,

Tonight, I plan to climb that tower.

*************

To be continued.