The Chronicles of the Chaotic Family

Graduation Day

There had never been a family as twisted and conniving as this one. We will begin recounting their tale on an early May day in 2016. It was Lucy's graduation day. Her blonde hair was pulled into a ponytail under a black cap with a tassel prominently hanging; she also donned the signature red and black Harvard Business School graduation gown over a grey t-shirt and grey dress pants. She could hardly wait as she was a Baker Scholar. -
Looking out at the crowd during graduation, she saw a blonde man in a grey suit, making eye contact with him and was immediately captivated with his striking blue eyes.
"And now presenting one of the most esteemed class of 2016 Baker Scholars, Lucy Caotico," the presiding officer called.
Lucy confidently walked up to the podium, notecards out, and took a deep breath to get rid of any nerves before starting her speech.
"Fellow graduates and faculty: Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. These are all fundamental American values in this society. But one item is still missing from these core values. And that is Among Us. Among us is sussy, sussy vodka, sussy vodka, and thus should be put in the US Constitution in alliance with our sussy, sussy vodka, sussy vodka values. And that's why I like them boys who wear skirts in disguise. And that's why I love gay people. Fuck you all," Lucy finished.
The presiding officer looked appalled. "Thank-thank you, Ms. Caotico for that... colourful speech. You will never have one ever again. I will make sure of that."
"Well, I'm leaving this dump today, so... peace!" Lucy sassed. The officer looked shocked.
"Well-well- Ms. Caotico, this is not the proper place for this discussion!"
"Are you trying to limit my freedom of speech and expression?"
"Never! Ms. Caotico, please return to your seat onstage." Lucy rolled her eyes and stormed back to her seat. "Now that that's been taken care of, I apologise, ladies and gentlemen, for the exceedingly disturbing interruption, and I assure you that it will not be a regular occurrence in the future."
"We're leaving anyway, so it doesn't matter!" the graduating class shouted in unison.
"Yes, well, continuing on, please welcome the next Baker Scholar Ophelia Grindstone!"
"Graduates and parents: I stand before you and tell you, 'Fuck this system!' You have oppressed our rights since day 1 and you continue to do so, even making us feel bad about not being Baker's Scholars. You as the faculty are the ones being inadequate, and I for one will not stand for your oppression of the graduating class of 2016. How dare you tell Lucy to stand down when her points were the most valid I've actually heard, the most true I've heard on this campus. And you blue-necks should be ashamed of yourselves. The only thing educators ever succeeded in was failing my dear, dear brother, Foster Grindstone at Brown. I hope you all rot in hell. Don't worry, I love you all, graduating class. Thank you," Ophelia finished.
"Ms. Grindstone! How dare you stand here and accuse us of this- this- this blasphemy! I must say, I am appalled by this graduating class. You all are clearly deranged and immature, and not understanding of our hardworking American teachers. I once again apologise to all parents here and will reiterate my assurance that this type of behaviour will not be condoned at this esteemed institute," the officer finished. "Ms. Grindstone, please return to your seat." Ophelia sat back down.
    The crowd, however, cheered and chanted Ophelia and Lucy's names. Now, it is quite curious that these two young ladies were both saying such necromancy about this esteemed institute. It may not be surprising to learn that this had all been constructed by the extremely intellectual Lucy Caotico.