Angelic Silhouette

Single. Low self-esteem. Boring. Sensitive. Quiet. Reject. Self-concious. Loner. Awkward.

These are only few words to explain how people perceive me to be. These are a few characteristics I've adapted during my 18 years. I know you've heard this before and we can have several arguments based on it, but following what your peers may think of you is despicable. I don't follow what people think of me.

There's no other way to phrase this, but I come off as unimaginative, boring and awkward to be around. Yet, I'm positive, literally everyone would pay to spend at least 10 minutes inside my brain.

Why?!

Every awkward moment and everyday I spend not speaking, I'm positive, I'd be the most logical, mature and well respected person you'll ever meet. The thoughts running through my mind, and the regular teenager my age, are completely different.

I'm 100% more likely to make better decisions and choices than other teenagers my age. Yes, this sounds conceited, and yes, it is conceited. One little thing to remember about me, is that quiet people have the loudest minds.

Now that you've got a firm grip of who I am, let's begin.

I know there are many perceptions of teenage love in the media and in books. It's amazing how society will actually believe that means love. I'd like to twist things around. Make you suffer the way I had.

It will take you to depths of worlds you've never been before. Depths so deep into one's mind it will scar you. Twist your simple frame of mind in ways too painful to express in words nor actions. Until the pain becomes so unbearable everything that made you, you will appear to be a blank face staring back at you. Empty, alone, numb, cold to the core and expressionless. Nothing more, nothing less. Just you.

My story, unlike most others, begins at the end.

I lay dead. Well, almost. Pictures of several past events appear in my head. My body slowly gives in to an oblivion of nothingness. I refuse to resist death. A smile creeps from the sides of my mouth. The most faintest noise escapes my dry lips, "So this is what it feels like to see life flash before your eyes."

I lay on the soft surface of my death bed. Open velvet curtains surrounding it. The full, wall length, windows to my right show the vast mountains covered in the thick morning mist ahead. The warm colours of sunrise light up the cold air rushing in through an open window. I smiled, this just may be the last time I get to admire a view so majestic. What a wonderful world it was.

I closed my eyes embracing the sounds around me. The sound of wood creaking outside my door, the sound of birds chirping gleefully in the distance, the sound of a distant, calming waterfall and the desperately slow beating of my still pumping heart.

I was ready to die. I strongly desired to die, but my body remained on the thin line of life and death. My heart, even stopping for a minute at a time, still came back with a small kick.

Was it fighting for me?

I've already given up. My body is burned. My skin is red and pulsing with a dull thud. Some places have nothing much left to it, just open flesh. Making it to this bed alone, was a miracle I don't recall. I do recall the moment I'd seen his eyes close. That was the moment I'd thought my eyes would close forever. After that my world went black.

I wanted to do so many things, tell him so many things. I missed him. I loved him.

I remember when we first met 4 years ago.

4 years ago...

Lyla Black.

15 years old.