So Far But Still So Close ( short story)

Part 1

The word hate or hatred shows strong emotions. You cannot hate someone without having a sensuous reason. And I have the reason to hate that person who thought and even ditched me because of some rumors. He loves me. - He told me that every passing minute but after giving whatever I had- he left. Leaving me heartbroken, crying for almost every night I thought about him and the reason why had he gone?

So as soon as he ditched me for some whore my love for him turned into hatred or I don't know if it becomes stronger.

All I had cared for him faded away - as though I thought. My whole world turned upside down as I can't find my way out of his heart but I have to be strong for myself to move on from him.

How can it be possible for someone like me who loves a guy so much, who cares for him so much, and who see past scars as past and never put that in present, who can see all the expressions and recognizes it in his eyes, his beautiful face. I have been a bipolar about my feeling for him since the day we are separated. I am desperate. Desperate for his love his attention, his affection.

I have been told from the beginning that there is a very thin line between love and hate. Maybe I still love that handsome face, sarcastic comments from his delicious mouth, unhealthy jokes, romantic cheesy lines spoken by him and most of all the way he hold me, kiss me and touch me and shows me how much he cares and whispers 'I love you' in my ears. But maybe I still hate his guts for letting me go for an alien reason. All the possibilities I had in my mind for why he is so far from me when in reality I always thought we have been destined to be together. Thought this is all sort of game to him. Play, win and leave.

The truth is I am goner when I first saw him in my sophomore year. He had those auburn hairs that fall on his bluish green twinkling eyes with two freckles down his left ears which I always love to kiss, flawless tanned skin with tall and built body. I had fallen instantly in deep hell hole of love pit. But let me tell you one thing there is nothing wrong in it. Everyone experience their first crush. First love, first kiss, first boyfriend, first heartbreak and I have experienced it all till now and more I have to see.

And the most painful is heartbreak- it kills like hell. It is more painful than loosing your virginity. Heartache doesn't last forever but I can't get over it yet it had been six damn months since our breakup but whenever I look at him in the hallway or some of my class I always caught him staring at me. First few weeks I thought of approaching him and to apologize for nothing and to confront him to diminish the rumors that are taking rounds as her new girlfriend which happen to be my worst enemy rumored that I cheated on him. Like seriously doesn't she have any other work to do? How stupid! I know that he practically known her his whole life that doesn't mean she always tells the truth to him. And in my case how can she do this when she actually called me her friend. (Before we were enemy-like Frenemy type we are.)

So to tell him the truth which all I have without any proof I called him, texted him, voice mailed him and even followed him to his house but I didn't have that tendency to say anything to him. My body goes rigid and stiff when I look at him- deep down in his whirling eyes I see love, hurt, sorrow and mostly guilt. I don't know what these expression are leading me to but he has openly giving me hint on what he is feeling I cant deny the fact that I am also reciprocating his expressions.

So here I m six months later standing outside a park where no one comes. I always come here with Josh to spend our leisurely time talking about everything that strikes our mind. I took my seat to the nearer bench and get lost in the train of thought. Of course bout him. When suddenly someone tapped my shoulder. I jumped from the sudden contact and turned my head to look at the intruder and I came face to face with my God itself. He is here! Every cell in my body start jumping and screaming like they have got whole package of nutrition bag making them energetic and alive. He is here so there must be something. Something good or something Bad.

I looked up at him and he is still standing there in all glory looking all handsome in black vest and khaki pants. Only he can make simple dress so gracious and demanding. His bright eyes still had his shine but not as much as I used to look regularly at. His flawless tanned muscles showing itself from the tight fitting shirt.

He looks at me and smile but it doesn't reach his eyes. I turned my attention back to where I was earlier looking at. I remained still and stare blankly at nothing, try to look calm and collected although my breathing is ragged and my mind is running in bullet speed thinking-What in the name of good god is he doing here?

As if listening my unspoken thoughts he took his seat next to me and opens his luscious mouth.

"Hi" How can he be so casual like he is ordering just a drink from Starbucks?

"Hi." If he can sound so calm so do I but inside I am blasting and I don't want him to notice my inside battle.

"How are you?" WTF is with him. He is acting totally cool and here I am like an erupting volcano. What is so wrong with him or with me?

But I didn't replied him, coz I know my reply would more likely be- I am not fine from the day you left me because you thought that whore of a bitch is right that I cheated on you and blindly agreed to her and never heard my part of the story.

He sighed and shifted towards me. "I wanna talk to you." And now he wants to talk to me.

That's new. I didn't answer him again. As if not expecting me to respond he continued-

"I wanted to explain myself"

"And why so?" I nonchalantly replied.

"I broke your heart obviously." So casual. I really wanted to punch his beautiful face right now with full force. Newton will be so proud of you- My subconscious told me and laughed at her own estupido joke.

"What had changed your heart that you came to me after so long?

"I really wanted to tell you something that I have done in these few months. I don't expect that you will forgive me for what I have done but you gotta listen"

"And what you have solved in these few months?" I answered him quoting in his voice which sounds like my trachea has been tightly grabbed by an alligator.

"You have to know that you look really hot when you tries to sound like me" he placed his hands-on top of mine and my traitor body melts from his small gesture of endearment, my body feels like Jell-O, my toe curls in anticipation and my breath got hitched. This is just the starting of me being an idiotic ninny. It's the impact he gets from me Everytime something like this happens.

"Say what you wanted to say already." I wanted to say more like- because you haven't given me a chance to explain myself at least you can explain yourself.

"I know that are upset because of me..." I stopped him. I don't want him bullshitting bout my feeling. Didn't he have any kind of idea that what if I dint have any feeling left for him.

"Please just explain" I lifted my hands back from his and I found myself beginning to feel guilty. Just don't ask me the reason behind it.

***
Vote if you like it..
Rum..
Msg me if you wanted me to correct something