The Night flower & Her Moon - Journey of Beginnings

The decision

It was a lot to take in a day..... a night plus a morning actually. A messy night + morning!!

✍Life is like Science. It never solves a problem without creating more to keep all your senses busy. You discover a star and it displays thousands further. You step on a planet and it challenges you with hundreds. You step on Moon and it puzzles you with Mars. The more you solve, the more it messes. Just like that Life is!!! You start relaxing after going through lemons of life, squeezing the sourness out of it and  the bitter gourd is here to deal with.

I had read a part of it long ago. But then, I didn't understand it fully. Now it's so true. Life and science are related so closely. I was stuck in mystery of my LIFE too. The mess was too much to think further. I needed a break to clear my mind. I had to decide what's next and how?? But, I didn't want to rush anything. I didn't want to misread the facts. I didn't want to act more foolish!!! I have already done enough of that!!!

There was something else too. 'Was I jealous or not???' No lies though. I was definitely jealous but then again it was so foolish of me yet it felt so reasonable. I slam myself but my heart was not guilt at all.

✍Jealousy is not all about trust or selfishness. It has two sides like other emotions. Jealously is a realization too. The realization of the value of the person in your life. We don't feel jealous over everyone.  It's just very few of them who touch our heart/soul. Jealousy confirms our desired fall very evidently. It tells us how deep our emotions are flowing in our nerves. It tells us how serious our intentions are!! It indicates the person is too good to lose, they matter more than we know. That the person owns your soul. And the 'God of Truth' is that there is no life without a soul!!! That's the biggest realisation to alarm + scare + thrill your nervous system.

However there is another side of jealousy. Let's say ugly side where obsession, selfishness, greed gets mixed up with Jealousy and people get ridiculous over their selfish desires and assumptions without caring how much they hurt the one whom they assume they love + care about. Please don't call it Jealousy only. It hurts the Jealously too!!!

Next question, 'Was I hurt or not??? If yes, then how far?' I didn't know. I really didn't know. I couldn't explain to myself how exactly I was feeling. All I knew that everything was a mess!!

👨‍💻"It's all about that one moment of pure truth, spontaneity and surprise"

The caption of ANDRE's previous post felt so relatable. It was a surprise, a truth!!

If I say I was hurt the question was 'exactly for what I was hurt??' Seeing him happy with the love of his life!!!! Even the sound of it was ridiculous!! If someone is important to you, so is their happiness. So, his happiness shouldn't hurt me!!! But damm emotions drag you into the maelstrom of desperation. You keep running behind needed, wanted, and desired instead of right and wrong. When I started this unknown journey casually, I didn't think of reaching at such point. It's not how I wanted to address our journey???? It's not how I wanted to move on!!!

But, If I say I was not hurt then what else I should call it!! 'Is thinking like this makes me ungrateful???? Was I really wishing to dare to stand in front of him with my tainted soul??' Those questions were scary. No, it was never my intention. I always knew he deserves better. Still, I messed up everything..........even if it's one sided only!!!

Confused was not a justiciable word for my head nor perplexed. It was a terrible + horrible mess!!

✍If you think pain is the most bothersome, then you need to upgrade your knowledge. Because the most bothersome thing is Confusion, not pain. When we are in pain, we know exactly what's happening to us. But in confusion, we have nothing exact in our explanation. Our brain doesn't know what to tell the heart. This kills us double and we don't have any idea about our murder!!!!