Toxic.

one.

One. Two. Three.
One. Two. Three.

Breathe Julia breathe..
It's okay. It's just in your head. Don't let there words get to you...
*
*
Do it. They're just being honest. They don't really care about your feelings. Just do it already.

You won't be missed. You're a piece of trash. You don't deserve to live Julia.

-
2:49 a.m
I was fighting a battle inside my head. A constant battle of living or dying. One part of me was saying that I shouldn't do it. I'm stronger than the hateful words. But at the same time, the other half was telling me to end it all right here right now. I mean it seemed like a food idea. Right?

But, what if I really will be missed?
What would my dad say if he found me dead?
What would Callie say or think?

There's only two options:

I can either beat depression
or
I can die trying
*
*
I really want to know what it feels like to be free of these demons; to be happy for real. I want to know what it feels like to be a normal teenager and live a normal teenager life.

-
4:07a.m
I can't stand these thoughts any longer. They're practically eating me alive.

Where's my journal?
Where is it?
Wtf.. Where is my journal when I need it the most?

Ugh......

I slowly stand up in the darkness cautiously; careful not to not anything over. I search in my huge closet.
Not in here.

I look through the things on top of my desk, then in my desk drawers.
Not here either.

I crouch on my knees quietly, looking under my bed.
I FOUND YOU!

I scramble over to my desk and snatch a pen, then I grab my journal, sit on my bed and start writing messily:

Dear Journal,
So. It's 4 in the morning and yet again, my thoughts are keeping me awake. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I'm getting weak and the bags under moneyed are becoming more prominent. I'm slowly disappearing into the crowd. I think the demons are winning.. The darkness engulfs me partially.

I can't think straight and my mind is fuzzy. The kids at school, they laugh at me.
When I walk down the hall they whisper and point.
Even my closest friend Callie is slowly drifting from me.

This can't be happening. I want to turn my life around. I want to be happy again. I want to live a normal life.

Free of these thoughts.
Free of depression.
Free of the dark.
Free of anxiety.
Free of "me".

The year is almost coming to an end..that's when I'll start.
I'll start eating healthy. I'll exercise. I'll go to therapy.

I'll try my hardest. I don't wanna live like this anymore. I don't wanna feel like I'm living in hell. I need to be better, not only for myself, but for the people around me. Even if that's only a small small circle.

I can do this.

Hopefully.

Yours,
Jul xxx

---

Ah! Dun dun dun!!?!
Like and comment lovesss .. It would mean the world.
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Thank youuu!!!!!!