✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

121. Mutual Support

Author's Note: This chapter  should have been posted last night, but it wasn't quite ready. If there are any issues with it, please let me know, because I've not been in such a good place most of this week. But I'm hoping that another little trip will help me to feel better again. Enjoy!

"But none of this applies when we consider the chromatic scale." The sentence was punctuated with a tap on the whiteboard and a bright smile, almost like it was the punchline to some subtle joke that only the people properly listening would understand. Miss MacManus didn't hesitate for long, and kept on rambling about different kinds of notes like it was the most interesting thing in the world. She was energetic, excited, and easy to understand.

The words flowed into Tess's mind like a tide of mud; in one ear and out the other. She would normally have been so excited by a theory lesson that gave her something she could test out in practice like this, but she couldn't follow any of the words now. It was like one of her favourite teachers was just droning on, and the only thing on the mind was how soon the bell would ring, and when she would be free again. Not that it made any difference, because all she had to look forward to was another class.

She hadn't gone to Isaac's game night. She'd still been excited about that, but after she remembered planning to go with Spike, she couldn't feel so enthusiastic. Should she ask him to go with her anyway, and hope that their last meeting didn't come up? Should she go on her own, to prove to herself that she didn't need a boy with her to have fun? But then she'd have to talk to him; or risk meeting him there if he had the same idea. And she really didn't want to make things awkward for everyone else if she was still so nervous about talking to the guy she liked.

She knew it was just an excuse. The hardest part of the last couple of days had been not talking to Spike. She loved chatting with him about whatever came to mind, even more than her other friends, and she knew that his input would make any problem feel better. But at the same time, she couldn't face talking to him now. She was afraid to say anything that might make him reconsider their tentative relationship, or that would make him feel bad about what had happened. She knew what it was like to have an unusual desire, after all. Her own fascination with hypnosis, which she had still barely scratched the surface of, was something she would never have the courage to share with another person. And now that Spike had found the nerve to share his deepest desires with her, if she made him feel like she couldn't support it that might tear him apart.

She told herself that she would talk to him. It was just a matter of finding the right time, and the right words. She'd moved into the spare room for a couple of days, just to separate herself from all the babyish decor and have a proper think about how all that stuff had made her feel. Ffrances had persuaded her to pack a bag, so they could stay at Ffrances's house for a few days if just being reminded of this stuff was too much, but that hadn't ended up happening. She'd moved back to the nursery the day after Gabby's return with triumphant tales of meeting big name directors whose names she kept mixing up. Tess had barely listened to all the anecdotes, just thinking again about when she would be able to tell Spike how she really felt. She would be able to do it, she was sure. But when that would be...

A tap on Tess's arm startled her, and she almost jumped out of her seat. When she looked up, she saw that the class had already been dismissed and there were only a few people left on their way out of the room.

"Spacing out again?" The touch that had jolted her out of her fugue had been Rachel; not exactly a close friend, and they had barely spoken in the last few weeks, but still someone Tess knew she should have been able to confide in. About anything but this, anyway. "I've never seen you like that before. Something you need help with?"