Without You (Phan)

Golden

*Six months earlier*

Phil was sitting in my lap, his arms round my neck. I kissed the tip of his nose and hugged him tighter. Phil was my rock, no matter what happened he would be there.

"Dan?" Phil had slid off my lap and was looking at me seriously, biting his bottom lip.

"What is it Phil?" I asked, although I already knew what he was going to ask me.

Please, please, please no. I don't need to answer this now.

"Are we ever going to come out to our parents?"

I couldn't do this. They would kill me. Kill me. I couldn't be homeless at sixteen years old. I knew their views on the lgbt community, or as my father calls them fucking faggots goddammit.

Every time Phil asked me this question I responded in the same way.

"No Phil. I can't." I sighed, wishing I didn't have to watch his face fall each time.

"Look. It's not that I don't want to it's just I can't! Please Phil, I don't want to be homeless! You know what they did to my sister..."

Phil closed his eyes, and I could see how perilously close he was to crying.

I pulled him closer to me. Hugged him told him it would be fine. Told him I had a plan. Inside though I had no idea. On the outside I looked bulletproof, but inside I was raw and screaming.

Phil hiccupped and nodded. He scooted himself up and back into my lap again.
I kissed him. This time on the lips, pure and innocent. Phil's salty tears mixed into the sweet taste of his lips, making me want to cry and sing at the top of my lungs

***

A ball of scrunched up paper hit the back of my head. I turned round in my desk and grinned at Phil. He winked at me and mouthed;

"Read it!" Chuckling at his antics I opened it up. Scanning the page I grinned. It read:

Meet me at lockers after school?

Looking back at Phil he mouthed at me again, "Date!"

"Yes!" I stage whispered, a warm fuzzy feeling in the pit of my stomach as I returned to my work with an unexpected fevour, wanting to have as much time as possible for the date.

The bell rang, startling me from my work. I put my books in my bag and sauntered to the door, trying my hardest not to skip.

Walking through the rain I couldn't help but let my thoughts go to the darker side of my mind. Although I hated my parents, I still couldn't stomach the thought of being being homeless- if I had the guts to tell them. Gritting my teeth, I forced myself to think of something positive; the upcoming date with Phil, and headed to Art. Thank God for Phil, I don't know what I'd do without him.

With a jolt I realised I was already there. I'd been walking for so long I was on autopilot. Sliding into my chair, I focused on getting my watercolours out and ready. Ignoring everyone else, I tuned out the world through my my earphones, making sure nobody could see my work.