Wingless Crow (Suicidal Hinata)

The final push

That night I spend the whole night near our school in a park crying. I was done with life. No one wanted me and I knew that. If anyone would have wanted me then they wouldn't have just thrown away. Ever after I got born I could only hear the words "All because of you" Over and over again. Nothing changed at all.

I was soo tired of this. My parents didn't wanted me at all. Tho my team wasn't better. They hated me too and that was plainly obvious too. Still I couldn't help it and think they might help me.

Once the night was over I went to our school and to class like I used to. Only that this time I had a huge sport bag with me. The voices around me. I could hear them. People thinking it is funny but I just wanted to continue to cry and crawl into the next hole.

When I got into my class I saw Kageyama there.

Me: Morn-

Kageyama: Stop!

Neither greeting nor ignoring me. He just cut right into my word. It was the first time I saw him filled with soo much anger.

I know it is my fault!

Sorry.

I didn't wanted this to go this far.

It is all my fault.

All my fault....

The moment he just screamed stop at me, I went silently to my own seat and I felt the stinging in my eyes. Haven't I already cried enough? Haven't I suffered enough? This was never something I wanted at all.

I hated how they looked at me and even after school we were prohibited to play and this relly got to my nerves. Slowly but surely I started to lose myself. I was at my end. This was soo damn obvious and yet no one cared at all. I started to sleep in classes. The next couple of days I even managed to sleep in our changing room but for what.

It was the day after we finally got to play again. It was also 3 days that I haven't eaten anything at all. First off were the morning practices and I was exited for them. So I was even earlier up then usual just to go to the gym and start warming up. I was the very first one there for hours. However the moment the team started to assemble, I started to regret being here.

This didn't helped my feelings of being lost and unwanted at all.

Daichi: Why are you here so early?

Me: Just wanted to play.

Daichi: You are not playing.

Me: Huh?

Daichi: As I said, you are not playing. I don't need a team memeber who can't be loyal. 

Me: What do you mean?

Daichi: Look, you are not a team player but an egoistic idiot. I can't have something like you in my team. 

Me: But I-

Daichi: Get lost.

Me: Dai-

Tsukishima: Didn't you hear him? What a bother shorty. Get out of here. Let us train.

Me: Bu-

Tsukishima: Hah, still think you can say something. What an idiot you are. Don't you get it. No one wants you here. 

I looked at Tsukishima and then at Daichi and Sugawara. They both should have said something but they were all staying silent. I got it. The message was soo clear. The only thing that was bothering me was that the coach wasn't here at all. However the team was thinking all the same. I didn't need more to know that I was not welcomed here.

The moment I realized and heard them say that, my heavy heart just felt even more heavy. I was really at my end. This was my final push.

If only I was never born.

If only I never picked up volleyball.

This is all my fault!

I can't do anything right.

I am useless.

My mom was right.

My dad knew it all along.

DAMN IT!

Why am I even existing?

Why am I even pushing myself to go further.

I hate this!

I don't want to anymore.

I am soo tired.

Just let me rest already!

I just wanted a place to belong too!

Is it that wrong.

Guess I am an idiot as they say.

With an aching heart, I got out of the gym and straight to the lockers. After I got there I looked at myself in a mirror there. Yeah, that was me. That crying figure which looked pale and soo tired of everything was me. I had no will to fight anymore. This was why I left the gym and left everything behind, walking towards out shool main building with all my things. I still was wearing the Karasuno volleyball teams uniform as I entered the building and made my way to the school roftop. 

No one wants me here!

I am just a bother!

I can't take this anymore.

I am tired.

I am hungry.

I have no where to go or to be.

I have no one who loves me....

I don't have a place in this world....

I am just soo useless....