I CANT HOLD IT ANYMORE

I steps into the green grass, sigh....looking at the golden sky and then closed my eyes....

I hate this feeling, being trapped with your seductive smile, your soft eyes and your porcelain skin, tears that I want to hold now rolling down to my cheek....dammed it...I'm A Man....how can you give me this fragile feeling

You took my heart ....and now you tossed away...I wish I can scream....but once again, my pride judge me, I want to hold you tight and kiss you roughly...but your just a shadow to my days....haunting me with your perfect curve of yours... makes me your prey although I'm your hunter

"You lost in your thought..." this soft voice wakes me from my awaken dream

"What took you so long...don't you know it's hot out here..." again....my rudeness takes me over

"I'm sorry....the traffic is hell... "With a perfect smile that always painted in my mind

"Pfft .... .another excuse" yet I'm still cursing....to hide my emotions...and how can this person still smile at me, like there's nothing with my words...don't you know...I'm trying to piss you off, so you just hate me and say bad words to me....to make me not wanting you more....

Sadly... I'm still walking behind this pretty smile..... Going inside the car trying to ignore the driver who give me chocolate cake while light up the engine

"The reason I was late because I bought you this....your favorite strawberry chocolate cake....it took 15 minutes to get it ready since the line is too long..." handed me the cake with that warm smile...dammed it....my heart beat so fast

"I'm on a diet...I don't eat chocolate for the last few days..." I said with my face looking outside the window...trying to hold my arms to not touch the delicious...sweet....chocolate...strawberry cake....

I see the reflection in the car window....the face of disappointed....I'm sorry .....Its better you hate me...so we can separate easily.... I don't like to see you sad....but more important is....I can't hold it anymore

15 minutes seems too long....the car stops in front of my apartment.....hustle...I open the car door and try to run as fast as I can....

"Can I go inside? I need to go to the bathroom..." this soft voice stop my thought...dammed it...why is it so hard to run from you

"Make it fast....I need to go to sleep...I'm tired hanging with a jerk like you..." I said with heavy heart...there....I hurt you again...I'm sorry....

The person stop a while, turn at me and walk closer....

"I don't know what I have done until you were this angry.... I will make it fast....I just need to go to the toilet for 5 minutes then I'll leave...." Again....with a smile...this person I love... walk inside my apartment

After 15 minutes...

"Stop! ...I want to talk with you....please ...don't come near me again.....find another friend that suit you....I can't keep up with you again... I need to be alone..." I said with holding tears and sore throat

I'm sorry....I am really are sorry....I love you so much... but if you stay with me...I will hurt you more since I know....you will never love me and I Can't hold this feeling anymore...the feeling to hold you...to kiss you...to make you mine...only mine....

The person who I scolded just stand still ... Suddenly!!.. turn at me than push me to the wall, kissing my lips with roughly....I was shocked....my heart beats so fast...what's this ???

"I'm sorry...I CANT HOLD IT ANYMORE..." he say with tears rolling down on his cheek

"I love you.....with all my heart....with all my soul...I know it was wrong...but if you don't want me again...I have to confess... I can't hold it anymore..." he say kneeling down in front of me... while his arms still holding my fingers tightly