The Damage I've caused Goldcrest book #1

confronting the truth

I stepped inside the Dawn, immediately seeing the crowd, I saw him from across the room, Ben Miller, I felt eyes on me, as I'm not from around here.

I saw an empty seat at the bar and took it. Soon a girl with black here came over from behind the bar. "Can I get you something to drink?" she asked. "As much as I want a shot, I need to be sober.

I make eye contact with Ben from across the room, I look away, and tell her " I'm not drinking tonight" I tell her, "meeting someone she asks" something like that" I tell her before she walks away.

Ben always told me how he'd worked at this bar, watching him It was clear he felt like he belonged there. He was beautiful, in every way.

 He glanced at me a few times, and just as quickly looked away. I can tell he's trying to keep himself busy and is avoiding acknowledging me.

A guy sitting two seats away from me waves him over, and he's forced to walk over to this side of the bar. He serves the guy another beer before standing directly in front of me.

"What the hell are you doing here," he asks, "I need to talk to you," I tell him, " Well I'm busy working so you should probably go home," he tells me," I'll wait," I tell him looking him in his eyes. He shakes his head and walks away.

While waiting for his shift to end I've been asked questions, hit on, and finally hours later I notice Ben heading out of the bar. I stand up and follow him outside. I call out to him, but he proceeds to get into his truck.

I go to the passenger side and hop in his truck, he sighs, " What do you want he asks while looking out the window.

 I decided to just come right out and say it " I love you," I tell him, he looks at me and says " I've moved on, I know," I tell him.

"Then I don't understand why you are here" Ben, I'm sorry, and I know it's my fault that you left, but I Love you, I was hoping there might be a chance you still loved me too. " I'm getting married Leigh," he tells me.

I know Benny, I know, I just wanted you to know, I won't stand in the way of your happiness if you are truly happy, I tell him.

 "Can you look me in the eye and tell me you don't feel anything for me?" I ask him staring right into his beautiful, brown eyes. He stares at the ground.

Can you look me In the eye and tell me that you're truly happy then, I ask him, and he sighs, " Leigh I don't know if that matters" he says, I grab his arm, " You deserve to be happy" I tell him.

" I want you to be happy, even if that means I'm not a part of your life," Tell me to leave, that you don't ever want to see me again, and I'll go, I say " I don't know If I can do that, he says quietly.

We sit in silence and there are a million things running through my mind right now, but I can't jump to conclusions.

I have to remind myself he's still getting married to a beautiful girl. The type of girl who looks flawless in everything she does.

The type of girl everyone wants to be like, she looks perfect, and that's probably not the case.

 I'm envious, envious that she's with him, that he asked her to marry him. I love him, I love this beautiful man with all my heart. 

At the end of the day It's my fault he left, my fault I was so wrapped up in my shit that I started pushing him away. 

It was like a switch was flipped and suddenly I was in the past, and I pushed him away, I didn't mean to, but by the time I snapped out of it, the damage had already been done. 

He was my whole world and I burned it all down, and now,  he doesn't know if wants me out of his life or not. I don't know how to feel, I just wished he'd said more, but It's a hard situation, and I don't know if that will ever change.

After sitting in silence for almost an hour, I might have crossed a line, but I leaned over and placed a kiss on his head. "I'll be in town for a few days I say to him, I'll be staying at the inn, I tell him.

 "In case you want to talk", " I broke my phone a few days ago and had to get a new one, so I don't exactly have my number memorized, he chuckled quietly, 

" doesn't surprise me one bit he says softly "Goodnight, Ben, Goodnight Leigh, he tells me before I hop out of his truck and walk off into the distance. 

I walked back to my room at the inn and took a shower and laid back on the bed. He was my angel, I remember meeting him for the first time, I was busy trying to get validation from a guy who treated me like shit. 

Ben showed me my worth, something I hadn't actually acknowledged before.

I put him through a lot of shit, and I don't know what will come from this, but I'm glad that I at least tried.

 I never would've been able to cope knowing I just stayed away without getting closure and just maybe I had a chance.