FLY HIGH!!: Haikyuu One-shots

Oikawa » Selfless

canon-verse ; manga spoilers

"Two weeks after you'd stormed out of his house, you meet Tooru at the pond where you always find each other."

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It never took him this long to come back. Usually, it was a day or two, a week at most if he fucked up big time. But as you walked down the pathway to the pond that'd become a hallmark of your on-and-off relationship, your count stopped at fifteen.

It had been fifteen days since you'd last spoken to Tooru. Fifteen days since you'd had that heated argument and stormed out of his house. It was the longest you'd ever gone without contact in the three years you'd been together. The longest he'd refrained from finding you and dropping to his knees to pledge his undying love for you, to plead with you to forgive him and take him back.

Keeping yourself in check had been hard but necessary. And as you kicked every pebble in your way, you wondered if this was for the best. A new chapter of your life would start in a week, and perhaps you should be glad that he'd finally given up on you and set you free. Because you knew better than anyone how this relationship had been chipping away at you little by little. Because love was all you had and that alone was not enough. It had never been. Because you were better off without him, his obsessions, and his never-ending and ever-consuming hunt for excellence. Because competing against a sport and fighting his inhibitions had gotten exhausting.

You deserved so much better—a better he could never give you. And in all honesty, a better he'd never promised you. A better you'd readily sacrificed because you knew no one else would be there for him. No one would take his bullshit, see beyond the silly and shallow façade he paraded, stick by his side, or love him the way you did.

But what about you?

The figure standing on the wooden bridge took your mind off the beaten track of your thoughts, all qualms and tribulations set aside the moment it came into view. "He's come back again," was all your brain whirled with. And the way your heart leaped in tandem with your legs as you rushed towards him cemented once again that a life without him was insufferable, that you loved him more than words could describe, that you were willing to overlook any pain he'd caused and give him another chance.

You didn't give yourself time to gauge his expression before latching onto him, arms around his waist and face nestled in his chest. And there was no need to. Because how else would he feel? He was certainly relieved that you were there and ashamed of having kept you waiting this long.

"You dumbass," you mumbled, "what took you so long?"

No matter what Tooru did or said, how much he upset or hurt you, you never allowed him to see you cry. But met with his uncharacteristic silence, you couldn't stop yourself from looking up, your tear-stained cheeks forgotten. The saddened downturn of his features you'd failed to notice in your excitement was even more glaring from this angle, so much so that you were afraid even to ask.

But when glistening drops welled in the corners of his eyes as he evaded your gaze, you found yourself reluctantly querying, "Is something the matter?"

A long pause and a few, long-drawn breaths later, he finally spoke up, "I'm going to Argentina next month."

"What are you talking about?" You intently studied his grave expression, failing miserably to read between its lines.

You'd surely misheard him. You were leaving together for Tokyo in a week. You'd picked your majors and had been accepted into the universities of your choice. Hell, the reason you had been at odds at all was accommodations. He wanted to live on campus to be close to the gym; you wanted to rent an apartment together away from it. And now he was talking about moving abroad, and to the other end of the world of all places?

Upon perceiving your confusion, Tooru went on to explain that a few weeks back, he'd come across one of his idols, an Argentinian setter. After keeping in touch, he'd advised him to pursue his dream that'd begun to wither after high school and to push past his limits.

"I'll regret it if I don't seize this shot now. And my staying here knowing that would only make both of our lives a living hell. You're better off without me. We both know that. We've just been delaying the inevitable."

Shallow breaths burned your throat as you tried to hold your ground. "You haven't even asked for my opinion..." you whispered, uncertain whether to feel offended, hurt, or enraged that a step this monumental had been taken without any regard for you.

Without answering, Tooru looked down. You hated that this gesture alone screamed everything you needed to know. It made all the emotions you grappled with wash over you at once. It told you that it was over, that you reached the finishing line you'd always dreaded. But that part of your brain—or heart—that hopeful part was adamant and couldn't help but cling to the fading light: "But we can still make it work, right? This isn't the end of it. We can still do long distance—"

"No, I can't do this to you. Or myself."

"What about what you're doing now? This is a million times worse."

"It is now. But years down the road, we'll be thankful I made this decision for the both of us," he said with unprecedented solemnity. The one he'd only display on the court and never outside, especially not with you. And that was when you realized his mind was set. Nothing you could do or say would make him back down.

"You're being selfish," was all you could think of by way of reply, voice cracking from a strangled sob, though you knew he wasn't, and this was perhaps the most selfless thing he'd done so far. Because in a world where Tooru was as selfish and self-centered as he pretended to be, he would've strung you along without mercy. He would've kept feeding into your visions of a future where he was everything you'd always dreamed him to be. After all, you were the only person who made him feel anything remotely close to what his passion for volleyball did.

"Take good care of yourself," followed by a small, apologetic smile was all he gave you before turning around and walking away.

That same smile would pull at his lips again when you would meet a decade later at a high school reunion, and all he'd done and said would ring true. He'd made the best decision for the both of you.