This is my truth

One breath

The pain in my gut is like a deep wrenching

Something hard and cold

Wrapped up tight within my intestine

I heave it all out through wailing

So loud the neighbors probably think I'm dying

From the moment of my existence, I had no control of what was happening 

Am I a passenger?

Can I take flight?

Somehow all I can see is blinding light

It feels absolutely maddening

How death can come so quickly after a candy bar 

Swinging up high while innocence feet take out baby teeth  

Smashed flat between the fence and garage wall

While police lights search for me while carrying my mother's beckoning call 

I always knew angels sat beside me

They are the ones who kept me safe and thriving

Despite and in spite of all of the damn carnage of being the blasphemy

Orange in a barrel of apples

Satan's daughter cast by charmed laughing

Those eyes

Like a snake's

Terrifying

Transparency

Crisp and fancy

A feathered hat 

Worn cocked slightly sideways

Transgressed past regression forward perpetual forced motion

Dental records identified him

My friend the brat kept me feeling loved and wanted

Pain comes so suddenly my body is overtaken by wracked sobbing
Stabbing need to deliver love backed by monumental tidal waves of longing

The recipients are long gone

So many of them it's hard for me to count them all

Suicide, drug overdose, cancer, car wrecks and other causes 

Who I am is all jumbled up because of the empty spaces that they left

It feels like I'm full of bleeding bullet holes while constantly working towards mending

Healing is such a tiring process and all of these holes in me that were left make me completely bereft 

I feel like I'm really lucky to find the strength to keep standing 

So many people don't realize 

I'm very fragile

I'm not the superhero people want me to believe I am

I'm just a girl who appreciates her life  so much she keeps finding a way to make it through 

No matter how demanding

Because God put his sweetest angels all around me

And no matter how many times I fall, I keep getting back up

I never let go of my authenticity and I shine light that only I can provide

There is not a single part of me that I would rather hide